The chase...

Monday night was a hectic, crazy night here at my house. I won't go into all the details but it ended up that at the end of the night my brother Josh, my sister in law Leisha, my niece Kaylee, my two neighbors girls Valerie and Kailey were here at my house.

Leisha and I were outside talking while Darrin and Josh were inside. Kaylee (my niece) was outside with us. My neighbors Valerie and Kailey were out playing in our empty lot next to our house. Kaylee wanted me to call them over so she could "tell them something". Kaylee is 3 1/2, Valerie is 6 and Kailey is 7. I called Valerie and Kailey over and told them that Kaylee wanted to tell them something. The first thing that Kaylee done was start running away and said "chase me" while giggling.

Thinking about this yesterday I was giggling because Kaylee is just so darned cute! She is rotten and just so adorable. According to Kaylee, Valerie was gallery and Kailey was Katie. She just didn't get that Kailey was the same as Kaylee. The gallery thing was just the cutest in the world.

Kaylee wanted someone to chase her. Earlier in the evening she was saying "Daddy, chase me" and "Daddy, you can't catch me". Aren't we all like that?

Don't we (especially women) LIKE to be chased? In a good way, of course. Not the psychotic, killer, crazy chase but THE CHASE. We like to be pursued, we need to be wanted and want to be needed. Most of us probably were like Kaylee at 2-3 years old saying "chase me" and "you can't catch me". It is fun and it makes us feel like we are really wanted. The person who is chasing us cares about us enough to tire themselves out running around acting like they 'can't' get us. Knowing full well that Josh could have caught Kaylee - the fun part for her and for him, I am sure is the chase. Hearing her giggle and laugh and enjoy herself so much.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, of sorts. My mother died when I was 7 during childbirth having my younger brother Josh. I had an older brother Jimmy who was 12, then there was me and my new baby brother Josh. My dad remarried shortly to a woman was was much younger than him. In fact, she was only 8 years older than my older brother. Apparently she didn't want to raise another woman's 3 children and me and my brothers went to live with my grandparents. I did not have a relationship with my dad. Even as a teenager, I moved in with him for 2 years and we didn't know each other at all. We never built the relationship that a father/daughter should have. He died when I was 18 - when he died our relationship was as void as it was when I was 10.

All that to say this. I know for myself I have always felt that I wasn't loved enough. I wasn't worthy of the chase. My own father didn't want me so why would another man be willing to tire himself out chasing me? Now there were men who wanted me to chase them, who didn't want a chase at all. They wanted to take, never give. This just gave me confirmation of what I had felt all along. No one thought I was worthy enough to chase me.

I am a long way from that 7 year old little girl whose daddy didn't want to chase her. I am married to a wonderful man who loves me with all his heart. We will be married 11 years this year and it has been a wonderful time. However, with all the love that Darrin gives me I still feel those same feelings. I am not worthy to be chased. Darrin reminds me often that is not true but I find myself not believing him. Do you ever fall into that trap? Do you let satan tell you that you aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, tan enough, fair enough, whatever enough? Do you believe him way too often like I do??

While thinking about Kaylee and her enjoyment of being chased - I thought about God. The only man who can fulfill all of the needs that I, that we as women have. God chases me. He thinks that I am worthy of being chased. He is willing to run around, listen to me giggle and have fun, tire himself and finally catch me. He would love for me to let him pick me up and swing me around like Josh would do to little Kaylee. God is that for us if we will let Him be. God is the ultimate father to my absent, distant father. He loves me, He wants me. He just desires that I say to Him "Daddy, chase me". He doesn't want me to run in rebellion and say mockingly "chase me". He wants me to have that heart that Kaylee has. Knowing that He loves me and He will chase me and He will catch me and He will hold me and He will love me and He will be the man that I desire - IF I only let Him.