I want more from my life...

I have been feeling ‘unsettled’ for a few weeks now. I feel a sense of urgency, a sense that I want, that I need something MORE.

I do jail ministry each week and I am enormously blessed by going in there and sharing my life with those ladies and them sharing their lives with me! Each week I leave feeling a little refreshment. Going in there and loving those beautiful women fills my heart with joy. I also go to small group. We have a group of around 10 people and we meet each week for Bible study or just to play games and have fun. It doesn’t really matter what we do but we are building Godly relationships with others who love the Lord. I have an awesome husband of almost 12 years. Honestly, I am the most blessed woman. Ever! I have a full time job that I have worked at for almost 7 years. I work for a pretty good company; I have some very good friends there. I don’t hate what I do. I don’t ‘love’ working in the medical field but it isn’t a bad job.

None of this explains my sense of needing something more. I have been seriously thinking of going back to school to get my degree in social services so I can get a job with a company doing something that really matters in life at a company like International Justice Mission, Voice of the Martyrs, Amnesty International, etc. I want to fight for human rights, specifically human trafficking.

The truth is I have to work. At this point in my life I have to work and I have to get a paycheck for that job. Realistically, I know that most likely I will be unable to get a job at one of the above mentioned companies with out some sort of experience or a degree. I have neither. I would love to be able to not work for money and to volunteer somewhere doing something that makes a real difference but that isn’t possible at this moment. I would only be able to go to school part time at the moment and it would probably take me somewhere between 6-8 years to get a degree and lets face it; I am NOT getting younger. I am 35 years old…by the time that I actually get a degree I will be 43. It is realistic to expect that I could get a job in a new field doing something that I want to do at 43? Maybe, maybe not.

My sense of unrest is coming from the fact that I want to do MORE. I want to do more for God. I want to be able to work in a field that I am really making a difference for God in people’s lives. I want to fight for those who are unable to fight for themselves; I want to stand up for those who are unable to stand. I want to love those who so many have forgotten or chosen to ignore. I want MORE in my life and from my life.

I am just really unsure how to do it….or what I should do. Now, I am asking God…what does HE want from me, what does HE want me to do. Until I have answers I will pray and I will wait.