My brother

Well, Josh (my brother) is in the hospital. He is in ICU. Last night he jumped out of a moving car and was either ran over by THAT car or another car or jumped out of the moving car and was hit by that car. I am not exactly sure what really happened except he came out of a moving car and is now in CCU at UT hospital. He cracked his skull, had two blood clots on the brain; one on each side. The neurosurgeon operated on one side and said that he believed the other side would heal on its own.

I went to the hospital and joined my aunt & uncle who were already there. Once we were able we went back to see him. When we got back there he started to wake up a little. He was thrashing and trying to pull out the IV and the breathing tube down his throat. Myself along with my aunt, my uncle and about 4 other people tried to hold him down while they gave him more medication to sedate him. He was waking up, moaning, his eyes were partly open and you could see the fear and the terror in his eyes. I was holding his arm in the beginning and moved to his legs so the nurse could get near his IV. While holding his legs I was praying "God, please help him to calm down, please calm his fears". I knew that him thrashing and pulling was not good for the open incision on his head. He has a drain in there also. I knew it wasn't good. He didn't calm down. His fears were not calmed. I am not sure why. I questioned why God didn't answer that prayer. Regardless, I know that God IS God and that He is in ultimate control and that He knows ALL things. For one moment in the very beginning I was up near his head, holding his arm and I said to him "Josh, you are okay. Relax. Calm down" and for just one second he did. Then the fear overtook him again.

Once again, I am worried about my brother. I am worried about the fact that drugs have overtaken his mind. I am worried that he is not going to be okay. I am worried about when he does come out of this drug induced state. I know that he is going to be angry. I can recite all the reasons. I worry about what will happen then. I worry about Kaylee (my niece, Josh's daughter), I worry that this is not going to be the last time, I worry that this is not his all time low. I worry that my younger brother is going to end up succeeding in suicide as my older brother did. Most of all I worry that if he doesn't make the decision to get his life in order that the next time he jumps out of a car, takes too many pills, etc that will be his last time and God will give him his wish to be dead.

The Bible says to not worry. In fact, I know that worry is silly because by worrying I can accomplish NOTHING. I have to learn to let go of the worry and hold on to God.

Please pray for my brother. Pray that this will be the time that he surrenders his life completely and totally to God.