Words of Life & Hope

I Have a Dream

2011-01-18T21:27:00.002-05:00

I grew up in a very small community. A community of 99% white people. Racism and racial issues was never something that I thought about. I do not remember learning about it in school, maybe I did but I do not remember. Quite often growing up I heard the *N* word. Jokes, nasty remarks. While I didn't agree, I never gave much thought to how wrong that was. Most of my family was prejudice against people of other races. I guess because I was never around other races I didn't give it much thought. Now, all these years later I am married to a man who is black. I love him dearly. My step-daughters are wonderful, wonderful young ladies that I have the privilege of knowing. My friends and my extended family who are a mixture of all skin colors are people that I am blessed to have them in my life.
I can't imagine teaching a child hatred. I can't imagine a family where derogatory words are the norm. Children should be taught to judge people by their character rather than by the color of their skin.

Yesterday was the day to honor Martin Luther King Jr. It is very sad to me that I have never heard nor read his 'I Have a Dream' speech, until tonight. Tonight I read it and I listened to it. Wow.

If he were still living I wonder how he would feel to know that what he was fighting for has come a long way. I wonder how he would feel to know that it hasn't ended. My husband is a black man. I still see prejudice against his skin color today.

The Civil Rights Movement....what an amazing time to live! By amazing, I mean these men and women helped change history. I would like to think that if I had lived during that time I would be fighting along side them for the rights of all men, regardless of skin color. I can imagine standing there in that crowd and hearing Martin Luther King Jr give his speech and the hope that he gave through his words. He was giving these people who had been oppressed for so many years a glimmer of hope. A glimmer of a better life for their children and their grandchildren. I can just imagine the excitement in the air listening to this man talk about things that none of them have seen or experienced.

I hope that one day I am able to witness his dreams fulfilled. I hope that one day people aren't judged by their skin color or anything else. Like Martin Luther King Jr's speech....I really hope that one day people will be judged only by their character.

They are back!

2010-10-09T13:40:00.002-04:00

Yes, the picture you are seeing is accurate. Although I borrowed this one off the internet...I actually happened to see a pair of these pants in the store on Thursday.

Ladies apparently the late 80's early 90's icon is back....Stir-up pants.

Knox Area Rescue Ministry

2010-10-03T19:56:00.002-04:00

www.karm.org

Today Darrin & I with several members of our small group went to KARM to help serve the lunch. There were nine of us that went.

When we arrived at 11:15am we went into the kitchen and there was one guy in there, Mo, getting the food ready. Today the lunch menu was pizza, chicken strips, mozzarella sticks, corn and cinnamon rolls with kool-aid and water to drink.

Mo immediately put us to work. Making kool-aid, cutting pizza, icing cinnamon rolls, etc. There were very few moments that someone was standing around with nothing to do.
Mo explained to us that normally there is only 1 person in there working during lunch on Sundays. The reason for this is because people who would normally volunteer are busy with church. So, that leaves the one person preparing food not only for lunch on Sunday but also getting the dinner ready for Sunday evening.

During lunch on Sunday they only serve to the people who are living there at KARM in the New Life Inn, the Lazarus program, Serenity Shelter and the Senior Citizens home. We had around 30 people come for lunch today. That doesn't include the shelter people or the senior citizens home. That isn't very many. When he told us that was all that would be there I asked Darrin "why do they not let the other homeless in for lunch".

It didn't take long for me to answer that question myself. There is A LOT of work that has to go into preparing a meal for even the few people that we had today. With only one person working on Sunday for lunch there is no way they would be able to handle the crowd. Mo told us in the evenings on Sunday they would serve around 350 people dinner! With the colder months approaching the number will increase.

Today Mo was running around getting things ready while our group helped with whatever he needed, we served the food and the drinks. Normally only one person does everything that Mo was doing plus what we were doing! I can't even imagine how busy they must be.

Mo said something today that really hit home with me. He said "there is no other job in the world that you work for more than a paycheck. Here I work knowing that I am doing God's will". I think that about sums it up.

If you are reading and live in the Knoxville area...would you consider giving 1 Sunday a month to help the lunch hour at KARM? We were there from 11:15am-1pm. It was such a blessing. Our small group has signed up to work the 1st Sunday every month. What can you do to help them?

Please click on the link above to learn more about KARM and the many things that they offer the people in our community and find out how you can volunteer and help them.

Anniversary Weekend

2010-10-02T09:16:00.008-04:00

This past weekend Darrin & I went to Gatlinburg to celebrate our 12 year anniversary! The weather was beautiful, the view of the mountains from our hotel was amazing.

On Saturday we met some friends and went to Wahoo Zip Lines!

Teresa was terrified! Of course, I was also but I was being strong because I knew that if she realized that I was freaking out a little she would be even worse. Hey, I am an encourager!

This is our group (minus Darrin & myself). Caleb, Louise, Aaron, Stephanie, Teresa and Mike. The men in our group had NO fear! Us women on the other hand....well, just a little.

Darrin wouldn't come over to get in the group photo so I had to snap one of him standing in his zip-line gear.

Darrin had a blast going down all the zip lines.

I have to admit that zip lining was so much more fun that I could have imagined. I was terrified in the beginning. I was standing on that ledge and I told our guides that I didn't want to go and Pablo was saying "you are going" and he wasn't lying. He hooked me up and pushed me right off. It was terrifying. However, after the 1st trip the rest of the lines were a lot of fun. Right up until Pablo flipped me upside down and sent me off. Nah, even that was fun!

Our weekend was amazing. I have the best husband in the world (honest) and have been so blessed to have him in my life for 12 years! I love you Darrin!!

Beautiful Women

2010-09-08T21:55:00.003-04:00

Tonight I went to the jail as I do most Wednesday evenings. I do jail ministry here at our local jail. The women I encounter there are beautiful women who want what all women want. They want to be wanted, they want to be cared for, they want someone to love them and someone who they can love.

Most of these women have lost their way due to drugs. Drugs that were introduced to them by their boyfriend, their best friend, their cousin and sadly, often times by their own parents. These women have lost their children, they have lost their hope, they lost their dreams, the feel that they have lost everything. They are locked up in this room with dozens of other women who feel the exact same way.

When we get into the room they call out to each other "CHURCH". They let the others know that we are there and just for a moment I see happiness on their faces. They are glad that we come, they are happy to know that someone cares about them. That we are willing to take a few hours out of our day and come to love them.

We don't always go in with a 'plan'. We allow God to lead us where He wants us to go. However, we always share His love. We play some music (which they LOVE), we share a word from the Bible, we talk about life. We let them talk about their lives. Their hopes. Their dreams. Their fears. Their frustrations.

Some people think that these women aren't worth it. They deserve this punishment. I am not disagreeing, completely. They do have to face the consequences for their actions and their decisions....but, must they be made to feel so worthless about doing it? Sure they made bad decisions, they made mistakes but they are still daughters of the King.

They still deserve to be loved the way that God loves. They should be told that they are beautiful. They should be told that they are worth something. They should be told that I care about you and I care what happens to you. They should be built up and not torn down. I often wonder....if they were given that kind of love through out their life would they still have made the same decisions? Would they still be where they are today? I don't know....I do know this; one night I asked them how many were told that they were worthless, that they would not amount to anything, that they would end up in jail, etc and every girl in the room except for 2 raised their hands. Makes you wonder and really think about the impact of the words that I speak.

Our tongue...a very powerful weapon. We can use it to build others us or tear them down. Who said that? Oh yeah....Jesus. :)

My brother

2010-06-30T19:51:00.007-04:00

Well, Josh (my brother) is in the hospital. He is in ICU. Last night he jumped out of a moving car and was either ran over by THAT car or another car or jumped out of the moving car and was hit by that car. I am not exactly sure what really happened except he came out of a moving car and is now in CCU at UT hospital. He cracked his skull, had two blood clots on the brain; one on each side. The neurosurgeon operated on one side and said that he believed the other side would heal on its own.

I went to the hospital and joined my aunt & uncle who were already there. Once we were able we went back to see him. When we got back there he started to wake up a little. He was thrashing and trying to pull out the IV and the breathing tube down his throat. Myself along with my aunt, my uncle and about 4 other people tried to hold him down while they gave him more medication to sedate him. He was waking up, moaning, his eyes were partly open and you could see the fear and the terror in his eyes. I was holding his arm in the beginning and moved to his legs so the nurse could get near his IV. While holding his legs I was praying "God, please help him to calm down, please calm his fears". I knew that him thrashing and pulling was not good for the open incision on his head. He has a drain in there also. I knew it wasn't good. He didn't calm down. His fears were not calmed. I am not sure why. I questioned why God didn't answer that prayer. Regardless, I know that God IS God and that He is in ultimate control and that He knows ALL things. For one moment in the very beginning I was up near his head, holding his arm and I said to him "Josh, you are okay. Relax. Calm down" and for just one second he did. Then the fear overtook him again.

Once again, I am worried about my brother. I am worried about the fact that drugs have overtaken his mind. I am worried that he is not going to be okay. I am worried about when he does come out of this drug induced state. I know that he is going to be angry. I can recite all the reasons. I worry about what will happen then. I worry about Kaylee (my niece, Josh's daughter), I worry that this is not going to be the last time, I worry that this is not his all time low. I worry that my younger brother is going to end up succeeding in suicide as my older brother did. Most of all I worry that if he doesn't make the decision to get his life in order that the next time he jumps out of a car, takes too many pills, etc that will be his last time and God will give him his wish to be dead.

The Bible says to not worry. In fact, I know that worry is silly because by worrying I can accomplish NOTHING. I have to learn to let go of the worry and hold on to God.

Please pray for my brother. Pray that this will be the time that he surrenders his life completely and totally to God.

Home from Guatemala...

2010-06-20T18:38:00.005-04:00

We arrived home around 1am last night. Today I am really missing the Guatemala weather! Here in Tennessee the temp is around 91 and very humid. I walked outside earlier and told Darrin "wow, I sure do miss the weather in Guatemala".

Several reasons I didn't blog but once in Guatemala. One is that we did not have a computer. I borrowed someones for the one blog. Another is by the time we would get to the house in the evenings I was wore out. The time difference in Guatemala is only 2 hours different (they are 2 hours behind us) really affected me more than I thought that it would. By 7:30pm every evening I was ready for bed. :)

Each day we would get up and load the bus and head off to a local church. At the church we would do VBS with some children. On Monday we had quite a few kids but not a ton and not a lot of adults came with them. However, each day that went by we had more kids and more adults which was truly a blessing! The church that we held VBS in was a building. No signs, nothing to note that it was a church. Which after Thailand I was not surprised by this at all. In fact, I much preferred it. The pastor's son told Darrin that they do not advertise or try to get people to come to their church, they are serving God by serving the needs around them and by that they are growing. If I lived in Guatemala this is definitely the church that I would be attending!! The way that they do 'church' is what I believe God's call is for the local churches. However, I will not get on that soapbox in this blog. :)

The children and their parents that were brought in were families that have been displaced from tropical storm Agatha. They were living in villages on the side of the mountains and have lost their homes during the storms. They are now living in a shelter. The shelter is probably a little bigger than some of your living rooms. There are 250 people living in there. They have their mattresses lined up on the floor and have to protect their few belongings. These kids were just so adorable. They wanted to be hugged and played with. It was an amazing experience. The first couple of days in VBS Payton and I worked in recreation with the other team. We played games with these kids and had a great time. On Tuesday Carla came up to where we were playing and said that one of the ladies wanted her hair braided like Jared's. So, I went down and braided this ladies hair. Then a few more wanted their hair braided. On Wednesday I along with Kim (from the Riverdale team) were braiding hair the entire morning. It was actually a great experience. I was glad that God was able to use me to minister to these women in a way that I *knew* how to. I can braid (cornrow) hair and was glad that He let me use my experience. Also, braiding hair to me is kind of an intimate experience. Here I am combing these ladies hair and doing what some others might not be willing do do because of the hygiene issue. However, it never crossed my mind.

In the afternoons, we would head over to one of the local schools. The windows were broken out, the bathrooms were...awful and that is a mild description. In the girls bathroom the walls were pretty much completely covered with writings and graffiti. There was no seats on the toilets, in order to flush the toilet you have to get a bucket and take it to this huge bucket of water, fill it up and poor it down the toilet, there was water all over the floor. I do not believe that the sinks were even working and there was definitely no soap to wash your hands. I do not understand how they expect girls to use the restroom with out seats on the toilets. When these children go into the bathrooms I wonder how they feel about their self worth. Do they wonder are they even worth anything that the government would care so little that they can't even get a nicer bathroom? Or are they so used to this that they do not think of it at all? My guess is that they do not think of it at all. It was very sad to me.

The kids in both groups were so beautiful, so much fun and had a great time I believe. They played with us, hugged us, gave us presents that they had made, wanted their picture taken with us, kissed us on the cheeks. They were amazing.

On Wednesday we had a clothing tienda. There were something like 60 families that were able to come in get an outfit and shoes for each family member and the children were able to get a toy and the women were able to get a piece of jewelry. Each family that came in were taken around the room with an interpreter and one of us from the group and we helped them find clothing and shoes and at the end we would sit with the interpreter and talk to them about Jesus. There was one lady who was probably in her 70's at least. She told me of her and her husband losing their home in the storms. She explained to me that they had nothing. Her husband sells fried bananas in the local stores and hardly makes any money. She told me she was very sad because they lived in their home for 13 years and now the side of the home was lost down the mountain. She told me how she loves God and how that she still thanks Him every day for giving her enough food to make it for the day. She told me that she was very sad and that she gets so sad that she wishes that she could go ahead and die. All I could do is sit and cry with her and hug her. What could I say to a woman who has lost everything? And when I say everything, I mean literally -- everything. Can you even imagine that? These beautiful people I seen would sometimes wear the same clothes every single day, often times they smelled like urine from being unable to bathe I am sure. However, they were beautiful. I loved serving them.

That evening the group went to the shelter that these families are staying and served them dinner. We did not go. One of the ladies from the other group told us a story. While they were at the shelter one of the women staying there came up to this lady from our group and begged her to take her daughter. She begged her to take her daughter and raise her in America. Can you even imagine the desperation that this woman must have felt in order to willingly give her daughter to a stranger? Can you imagine that kind of desperation?

The poverty that I seen in Guatemala was astounding. Guatemala is a beautiful country. The mountains and the volcano's...God's creation is wonderful. However, everywhere that I would look I seen poverty. Poverty like nothing that we ever see here in the states. They have lost so much and seen so much. The coach of the public school that we went told Darrin "life has been good to you, life in Guatemala is very hard". I was able to see just a little of that.

I do not understand why more people here in the states do nothing. How can you sit and do nothing when so many people are hurting? Not only hurting spiritually but they are hurting physically. We have so much here in the states. If you are reading this and thinking that you do not have so much, I want to tell you that you are wrong. You have so much compared to these people. Do something. Even if you are only able to give $20- to Guatemala, do it. Please. They need you to help them. Go to http://www.clubhouseguatemala.come/ and give money to the Parker's mission work. Trust me when I tell you it is being used to help in God's name and they need it.

I will post pictures soon.

Hola!

2010-06-14T22:12:00.002-04:00

Hola! Buenos dias from Guatemala! I only have a few minutes, I am borrowing a computer from a fellow servant in this beautiful country! :)

Well, today is our 3rd day here and I have to tell you that Guatemala is a beautiful country! The beauty that the Lord has made astounds me. However, the poverty here is heartbreaking. These beautiful people live in such poverty that it breaks my heart.

Today we did VBS in a church and in one of the public schools. If you are reading this and you complain about your school...well, appreciate it. I have to tell you that the public schools here are astounding. The girls restroom was...well, I didn't want to use it. There was no seat on the toilets, no water to wash your hands, the toilets all ran over - I can't even begin to describe the condition.

The kids were awesome and completely wore us out! Payton and I worked on games with the kids while Darrin and Morgan did crafts. We had a great time!

We are down here with some awesome and funny interns. Sorry Jared! ;-) and also 2 great teams from some churches in Knoxville. We are having a great time serving and fellowshipping with others.

Well, it is 8:17 here abd 10:17 at home so I am ready for bed. This time change has affected me more than I thought that it would. Also, having a little stomach problems. Due to the fact that Darrin & I had spoiled milk for breakfast. Unfortunately we found out AFTER the bowl. LOL

Pray for these beautiful people and this beautiful country.

Love in Christ!!

Churches & Giving

2010-06-10T13:51:00.003-04:00

Today I wanted to share a note wrote by my friend and fellow servant of the Lord. :)

Churches and GivingShare

Tuesday, June 1, 2010 at 10:01pm

Hi! My name is Lisa... Let me share my passion with you... ok, my second passion! (In case you don’t know, Jesus is my First!) My friends and I minister weekly at our local county detention facility (women’s side). I absolutely LOVE where God has led me. I would say it’s unbelieveable but that just doesn’t sound right when talking about the blessedness of God! (huge grin)

In our local detention facility, the women inmates are awesome, all the women in the jail don’t come to our little church service but some faithful ones do! These are the ones that put in applications for Alpha House. Even though these girls are awesome, when put back in their same environment, even though they mean well, they usually return to their old ways and I’ve seen many women leave jail only to return a few months later and it starts all over again.

***This is the WHOLE POINT of why Alpha House exists – to stop that cycle!!!*** They exist to give women a Godly fighting chance so they do not return to their old stomping ground and get immersed in that culture again; no, they enter a house with four other women and they get immersed in Jesus and they learn employable skills, how to balance a check book, how to pray, how to save money, how to study their bibles, and how to pay tithes, etc! Alpha House has been and “IS” a main stay for most of the girls that have gone through their 3 month program and graduated. They have not returned to jail.

Did you read that? The very women who had been in and out, in and out, in and out of jail got accepted into Alpha House’s program, they graduated, they got a job, got an apartment, eventually a car, they become taxpaying functional members of society!!! Praise the Living God!!

Now, here’s my disbelief. Do you realize that this much needed Christian program in our community is NOT being supported by one single church on a regular basis?????????? Not one. (Fact! I called Alpha House before I wrote this and asked so I would not be lying. Not one church.) The very churches that Alpha House is teaching these women to pay tithes to doesn’t even support these women; I find that ironic, don’t you? Bear with me a moment more, please!!

If just half the churches in the county would commit $50.00 a month to Alpha House, Alpha House could probably expand with a house or two around the county. Alpha House gets calls from all over Tennessee to see if they have a bed available for them; so Alpha House does need to start more houses and programs.

*** Let me add that there are a few churches who have a great missions program and they give a lot to that but sadly, it's all overseas or for their mission trips. (Come on, churches, support places locally too!!) *****

Also, let me state for the record that there are individual pockets of people in some local churches that do help Alpha House in other ways rather than monetarily. AND what they do for Alpha House is needed and much appreciated!! Thank you! God bless you all who stayed with me and read this!! No matter where you give, remember to give and it shall be given unto you.

[If you disagree, feel free to comment! A good logical argument could change my mind!! God bless you!!]

Me again...I just want to add a big AMEN to this. It is so true... and sadly one of the main reasons that at this point in our lives Darrin & I are not attending a 'building'. Oh, don't be mistaken -- we have CHURCH. :~) We have church in our small group each week where we meet, fellowship, worship and study the Lord's word and we have church when we go into Anderson County jail each week.

Now, go on over and check out Alpha House! They are doing awesome things for the Lord and in these ladies lives. www.alphahouseinc.net

Getting closer...

2010-06-04T14:37:00.003-04:00

Well, Guatemala is just around the corner and I have to admit that I am getting more excited! In the beginning I wasn't very - today I find that I am.
Today, the song Follow You by Leeland is rolling through my head....

You lived among the least of these
The weary and the weakA
nd it would be a tragedy for me to turn away.
All my needs you have supplied.
When I was dead you gave me life.
How could I not give it away so freely?
And I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.
Follow you into the world.
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.
Follow you into the World.
Use my hands, use my feet
To make your kingdom come
Through the corners of the earth
Until your work is done'
Cause Faith without works is dead
And on the cross your blood was shed
So how could I not give it away so freely?A
nd I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.
Follow you into the world.
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.
Follow you into the World.(X2)
I give all myself.
I give all myself
I give all myself... to you.
And I'll follow you into the homes that are broken
Follow you into the world.
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.
Follow you into the World.

Can't wait to follow God into the world!!

Guatemala

2010-05-21T12:45:00.002-04:00

Well, only 3 more weeks till Darrin and I head to Guatemala with his daughters.

Morgan is 17 and Payton is 14 and they live in Florida with their mom. We are going to fly down to Florida on Friday and spend the night at a hotel at the airport and then we will fly out on Saturday with them. We will be in Guatemala for a week.

This is Morgan and Payton's first mission trip and they are very excited. This is mine & Darrin's third and I will be honest, I am just not that excited. Our first 2 trips were to Thailand and I loved it. I didn't love the heat but it was managable. I loved the people, I loved what we did. I loved handing Bibles out, I loved going to the slums and sharing our stories and giving out food, I loved playing with the kids in the orphanage. I just loved it. I am confident that if we were going to Thailand I would be super excited. I am trying to get more excited about Guatemala. I am sure that I am going to love the country, the people and the work that we are going to do. I am just not so sure.

Of course, our first trip to Thailand I wasn't so sure either. I had never flown, ever. For my first flight I chose to go to Thailand?!? First time flyer flying across the world for 21 hours? Yep...that was me. I wasn't nervous about the flight. However, the night before I was so unsure of what was going to happen, etc. that I didn't want to go. I was angry and irritable. Then when we FINALLY arrived in Thailand I was tired, had major jetlag and hot. I told Darrin the first day "remind me to NEVER again go out of the country". By the time that our 10 days was up I didn't want to leave. If it would have been possible for us to ship my kitties over there to me and have someone sell my house and get rid of our belongings I just may have stayed. I am pretty sure that I would have. In fact, doing missions in Thailand is not out of the question for mine and Darrin's future.

Waiting to see what God does in Guatemala. Can I love this country and the work we do there as much as I loved Thailand? I don't know but with God anything is possible.

I want more from my life...

2010-04-22T11:46:00.002-04:00

I have been feeling ‘unsettled’ for a few weeks now. I feel a sense of urgency, a sense that I want, that I need something MORE.

I do jail ministry each week and I am enormously blessed by going in there and sharing my life with those ladies and them sharing their lives with me! Each week I leave feeling a little refreshment. Going in there and loving those beautiful women fills my heart with joy. I also go to small group. We have a group of around 10 people and we meet each week for Bible study or just to play games and have fun. It doesn’t really matter what we do but we are building Godly relationships with others who love the Lord. I have an awesome husband of almost 12 years. Honestly, I am the most blessed woman. Ever! I have a full time job that I have worked at for almost 7 years. I work for a pretty good company; I have some very good friends there. I don’t hate what I do. I don’t ‘love’ working in the medical field but it isn’t a bad job.

None of this explains my sense of needing something more. I have been seriously thinking of going back to school to get my degree in social services so I can get a job with a company doing something that really matters in life at a company like International Justice Mission, Voice of the Martyrs, Amnesty International, etc. I want to fight for human rights, specifically human trafficking.

The truth is I have to work. At this point in my life I have to work and I have to get a paycheck for that job. Realistically, I know that most likely I will be unable to get a job at one of the above mentioned companies with out some sort of experience or a degree. I have neither. I would love to be able to not work for money and to volunteer somewhere doing something that makes a real difference but that isn’t possible at this moment. I would only be able to go to school part time at the moment and it would probably take me somewhere between 6-8 years to get a degree and lets face it; I am NOT getting younger. I am 35 years old…by the time that I actually get a degree I will be 43. It is realistic to expect that I could get a job in a new field doing something that I want to do at 43? Maybe, maybe not.

My sense of unrest is coming from the fact that I want to do MORE. I want to do more for God. I want to be able to work in a field that I am really making a difference for God in people’s lives. I want to fight for those who are unable to fight for themselves; I want to stand up for those who are unable to stand. I want to love those who so many have forgotten or chosen to ignore. I want MORE in my life and from my life.

I am just really unsure how to do it….or what I should do. Now, I am asking God…what does HE want from me, what does HE want me to do. Until I have answers I will pray and I will wait.

Unintended Consequences

2010-03-23T13:12:00.004-04:00

Today Shaun Groves from http://www.shaungroves.com/ asked bloggers to write about some 'unintended consequences' and share on our own blog.

I guess mine would be my jail ministry. I go to the jail every week on Wednesday evening here in my local county.

My husband has done jail ministry for about 8 years now. Six years ago we moved to a different city and he started going to the jail in our county. He was the only male and there were no women going into the womens pods. He asked me if I would go. I said that I would go, just until some other women came along and took over. See, I had visited the jail in our former county once and did not feel that was where God was calling me (honestly, I was just being lazy and selfish with my time).

So...I go to the jail by myself for a few months. One night we had a guest speaker come and give her testimony to the ladies. That night before we go in I tell my husband "this will be my last night going" and to myself I am thinking "unless God forces me to do something different" and we head in. While Susan was giving her testimony I sat down at a table with some of the ladies and across from me was this beautiful, sweet woman. I asked her name and how she came to know who Jesus was. She started telling me the story of her salvation. She was in prison in Georgia and was a Muslim. She asked for a Koran and they staff of the prison was trying to get her one but it was taking a little while. Well, some ladies that did prison ministry there suggested to her she read the Old Testament. She agreed and they gave her a Bible. While she was reading the Old Testament she had the strongest desire to head on over to the New Testament. So, she did and started reading John. While reading that she came to know who Jesus is. She talked to some of the other inmates who were Christians and they explained to her more. At night in this prison, the ladies would take the water our of their toilets so they could talk to the bunks below and above them. (Don't judge or be grossed out...prison life is totally different than life on the outside. Desperate times call for desperate measures) Well, one night she was talking to the Christian inmates through the toilet about God and they told her how to become a Christian. I have been friends with her for almost 5 years now and she is one of the strongest Christian women I know. She is actually still in prison in Virginia but is due to get out in 2 months. (Please pray for her when she gets out. The adjustment the inmates have to make from prison life to life on the outside is HUGE). Well, when she told me this story I was just blown away but what a difference those prison ministry women made in my friends life by just a small suggestion, in love.

I have been in prison ministry for five years now and I am completely amazed by God! The best friends I have are the women I do this ministry with. We get to go in there and love some amazing girls and women who have made the wrong choices. We get to share about God and even watch His amazing work! We get to worship, pray and study with women that a lot of people consider worthless. I am here to tell you that they are not worthless. God is doing an amazing work in their lives and in the jail that we go to! I am waiting for revival any day. :)

So, my unintended consequence is my most precious friendships friendships (the my fellow ministry ladies and the inmates), my growth in my relationship with God through this ministry and the blessings that I get to see every time I enter through those doors and they lock behind me. I went in only willing to go to help my husband and I have stayed because God has shown me that is one of the places that He is.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T19:33:00.002-05:00

You are loved!!

Today is a man made holiday for all the people out there who want to show someone just how much they love them. It is a holiday that makes many people feel worthless and unloved.

Today I am reminded of a love so great that I wish that all knew it. I will be honest, I don't fully understand Gods love. I don't always get how He loves people that I sometimes feel are 'unlovable'. However, I am reminded that no one is unlovable. God has created each person in love. He has given each person that desire to love and to be loved.

I often find myself and watch others look for that love in the wrong things and in the wrong ways. I want to be liked and accepted by others. I want them to want to be my 'friend'. During those times I forget about the Real, True Love that I already have been given.

I have written about my parents and brothers deaths on here before. There are times that I want nothing more than to be able to call my dad up, go by and see him and let him hug me and tell me that I am loved that everything is going to be okay. And at those times I can choose two different thought processes. I can choose to be sad, depressed and even angry because I am not able to do that or I can be awed by the truth. The truth is that although my earthly father is not here my Heavenly Father is always here. He is just waiting for me to crawl up in his lap, talk to him, let Him put his arms around me and tell me that I am loved and that it is going to be okay.

On this man made holiday that is meant to show love...I just want to tell you that you are loved. I love you and more importantly God loves you. If you have a relationship with Him, that is wonderful. If you don't and are wondering about this love that I speak of, a love that isn't man made and isn't a 1 day love. A love beyond all loves that you could imagine - ask me about it. I would love to talk to you about just how much you are loved.

Ah...what an awesome night!

2009-12-03T11:20:00.002-05:00

Last night myself along with Brandy and Lynda went to the Anderson County Detention Facilty, like we do each Wednesday.

There was something in the air last night. I don't have to guess what it was, I know! It was the Spirit of God. We played some music, which Brandy so lovingly put together for us (once again). The last song was Healer by Hillsong. Some of the lyrics are....I believe you're my healer, I believer your my portion, you're more than enough for me. As we were singing and worshipping I looked around and you could see the worship on some of the girls faces and on others you could see that they weren't really with us. They were somewhere else. After the song was over, I asked Brandy to pause it and I asked the girls if they believed what they were singing or where they just repeating some words written on a sheet of paper. I asked them where they praising God and singing to Him or where they thinking about other things. I asked them to close their eyes and picture God and we were going to play the song again and if they really believe what they are saying I wanted them to sing it to the Lord.

What happened next was just truly amazing! Gods spirit just poured out in that room. He was all over the place. We were praying and we were singing. Some of the girls were on their knees praying, out loud to God. It was just the most marvelous night.

I wanted to share a little vision of what God is doing through the jail ministry. God is so good!

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2009-11-25T12:52:00.003-05:00

...or so it would seem. For a lot of people, in fact, most of the people that I talk to they love this time of year. Thanksgiving is just a day away and right around the corner is Christmas and New Years. Me, not so much.

This time of the year, I always find myself very melancholy. The biggest reason I believe, is that my parents, my grandmother and my older brother are all deceased. During this season, more than the other times of the year, I find myself *wishing* more often than normal. I do not wish for material things that can be bought. I wish that things were different. I wish that my parents were still here, I wish that my older brother had loved life enough that he hadn't taken his own. I wish that my grandmother (who raised me) was still living and well. I wish that my brother and half sister and I were closer than we are. Sigh...I just wish....

Also during this time, I find myself questioning God more. I ask him "why?". I do not understand the reasons behind the fact that my whole family is practically gone at my young age of 34. They were gone for most of my life. I ask God why can't it be different. Why couldn't I just at least have one parent still living? I am sure that God has a great lesson for me to learn in this or something that I can take away from my experiences and use to help someone else. However, it is hard for me to see past my own sadness. I asked Darrin yesterday if he would help me come up with some ideas of something that he and I can do at Christmas time so that maybe I won't feel so sad, so alone. I think that Darrin and I need some 'traditions'. He mentioned going to the homeless shelter - I think that is a good idea.

Another reason is that this season has become SO commercialized! People think you really can't enjoy the holidays unless you max out your credit cards buying gifts! I miss the days that you got a few gifts that you really wanted rather than a bunch of stuff that you really don't care about. I don't get why we all feel it is necessary to spend hundreds of dollars on each person we buy for. Why can't we just give and get from the heart? Why do I often feel like I have to fall in that trap also? Why do I feel pressured to spend big? Why do I feel pressured to measure up to someone else? Why do I not just sit and really let the 'Reason for the Season' sink in and really learn what Christmas is all about?

What about you? Do you love this season? Are you going to do the same things this year or something different - something more meaningful?

St Croix

2009-11-08T08:40:00.002-05:00

Yes, we are here...finally.

I say finally but we weren't actually delayed that long. We arrived in San Juan last night around 8:40. I was a little concerned because our flight left San Juan to St Croix at 9:10. That isn't boarding time, that is flight time. :) So, we rushed off the plane and luckily the airport at San Juan is very small so we made it to our gate only to realize that they weren't even boarding yet. Darrin talked to the American Airlines lady and was told that our flight was delayed and she would make an announcement soon. After all was said and done we ended up flying out of San Juan around midnight or so. There were several people who weren't happy. I really didn't want to end up staying the night in San Juan but I would have. My only concern at that point was that I had nothing of 'overnight' use in my carry-on except a toothbrush. I am glad that we had this experience because I now know better what should go in my carry-on. :)

Well, we are here at Darrin's dads. It is beautiful. His apartment is right on the ocean. This morning Darrin and I sat in front of the huge open window and listened to the ocean. What a glorious sound!! Sitting here looking out just reminds me of how big our God is. I mean, I see this huge ocean and I can't see the end of it. The waves are coming in and it is just a truly beautiful sight! I stuck my head out the open window this morning and felt the warm ocean breeze blowing on my face and was just so anxious to get down there. We are going down this afternoon. Tonight Darrin said that we are going to dinner and to hear some live music so that will be fun.

Okay, I am getting off this computer and going to enjoy more of God's handiwork. Truly amazing our God is!

Self Esteem

2009-11-02T14:11:00.003-05:00

I have low self esteem. I always have. I think a lot of it stems from my childhood, from things that some people in my past told me.
I believe that a lot of the mistakes and bad decisions that I made in my life are due to my low self esteem.
Then I read Psalm 139 and I realize just how inaccurate my own thoughts about myself are:

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

If you have never read this Psalm, I encourage you to read it. God made ME. He placed me exactly where he wanted me. He chose my parents, my brothers, my entire family. He gave me brown hair and brown eyes and a nose that is too wide and eyebrows that are too bushy. But, those are MY thoughts. Those aren't Gods thoughts toward me.

Today, I need to focus more on what He says about me than what society says that I should be or should not be. I need to meditate on this Psalm daily to remind myself that I am who God says that I am.

I am a little strange...

2009-10-09T11:04:00.005-04:00

I admit it.

A conversation with a friend today has inspired this post.

I am not going to have a funeral when I die. In fact, I am donating my usable organs then my body to science. My friend thinks that this is just horrible. She said that people want to pay respects to me. How dare I not let them? I tried to explain to her that if someone wants to respect me then they should respect me when I am living.

My thoughts are this: I am dead. At that point I am not going to care who 'respects' me and honestly I feel it is a big waste of money for my husband or whoever else is is going to pay for it. I don't want my husband to spend $10,000.00 to put me in the ground. I do not care what happens to my body or where it goes. My soul is going to be with Jesus. I do not want people to waste money on flowers that are going to sit and wilt.

I am going to write a note of my last wishes so my husband will not be blasted about how mean he is, if I should die before him, and he doesn't have a funeral for me. :) These are the highlights:

*Donate all usable organs
*Donate my body to science (unless they charge. If they charge, find something free to do with a dead body)
*Instead of flowers. Take that $40 and treat a homeless person to lunch or dinner. In fact, I want you to sit and eat with them! Don't just buy food and give it to them. Take them and sit with them and talk to them. Get to know them.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-10-08T08:44:00.002-04:00

I grew up living with my grandparents. I moved back in with my dad when I was around sixteen. One of our friends dog had a litter of puppies and my dad let me pick one out. Of course, I picked the runt. I have always been for the under dog.

I named him Dinky.

Dinky, being the runt was sickly and I grew up in the country where you just didn't take your animals to the vet. I didn't even realize that there was such a thing as an 'animal' doctor.

Unfortunately, Dinky died a few months later. My heart was broken. I cried and cried. My dad said "no more animals". I guess he didn't like to see me crying with my broken heart.

I have always loved animals. All kinds, except reptiles...namely spiders! I wanted a pet.

One Saturday morning I was in bed asleep and my dad came in and laid something in the bed with me. I looked over and it was a baby deer. My dad had been out in the field on the tractor and almost mowed over it. The mother had left the baby for some reason so he brought the baby home to me.

Although my dad had said to me 'no more pets' he knew that in my heart I wanted a pet. He brought me a 'rare' pet.

That is one of the sweet memories I have of my dad. My dad died January 5, 1994. Today he would have been 64 years old. I miss not having a dad.

While driving to work this morning I was thinking of my dad at 64 years old. He may have been to the point where I had to help him pay bills, take him to the doctor, etc. Maybe he would have been healthy and I wouldn't have had to do those things. I do know that I miss having a dad.

So, happy birthday dad.

Happy Anniversary!

2009-09-29T08:49:00.002-04:00

Happy 11th Anniversary to the best husband in the world!

I am so very blessed to have you as my husband. You are such a strong Godly man. You are handsome, funny, caring and generous. I know that I can always count on you for anything. You are my very best friend. You are such an awesome caretaker. I never have to worry with you around; I know you have my back.

I am so amazed that God made you, just for me. Our eleven years together haven’t always been easy but I am so glad that we are together. I am so glad that you didn’t give up on me when I should have been given up on.

I don’t know think that eleven years ago I realized just how amazing being married to you would be.

Thank you Darrin for the most amazing eleven years a girl could ever ask for.
I love you and look forward to sharing my lifetime with you. You are awesome!

Fall

2009-09-17T15:47:00.002-04:00

Fall is by far my favorite season. I love most everything about it and we are on our way into fall here in Tennessee. If I could find a place where it was fall year round I would not hesitate to move there. :) The cooler weather, the leaves falling off the trees. One of my favorite things about fall is driving down a road where leaves have fallen and watching the leaves blow around in my rear view mirror. Even better is being behind someone and watching that way. :) There are so many smells of fall that are just wonderful to me. The smell on a cool night of people just starting their fireplaces up, campfires, leaves. The smell of cool, crisp air. I like to roll my car window down going down the highway and feeling the cool air on my face. I close my eyes and position myself so I get the most 'air' impact. It is just a wonderful feeling.

As I sit here typing it is raining out. I love the rain also. The smell of rain, the sound it makes on my roof. The way that it just makes everything 'cleaner' and 'fresher'. Unless of course, you are in a place like Thailand and the rain just makes the humidity worse. We have those days here also but today isn't one of them. :)

I think that some people find being a Christian boring. Maybe they even find God boring. I am not quite sure how someone can see, feel, smell and hear the changing seasons and think that the One that created that is boring at all! I think that my God is so clever that only He could think of changing the seasons and all the wonderfulness that goes along with that!!

Healing and back to work

2009-09-14T16:33:00.000-04:00

So, today was my first day back at work. It is almost over!! I am tired but I am good. My neck is healing quite nicely and it doesn't hurt much anymore.

Just wanted to post a quick note to let you know I am alive and doing well! :)

Thanks for the prayers.

Oh by the way...

2009-09-03T20:39:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow I am having surgery so I won't be around for a week or so.

Stronger

2009-09-03T20:07:00.003-04:00

Last night at the jail we did 'music night'. We love music night and the ladies do also. They don't get to listen to a lot of music. Brandy does an AWESOME job putting just the right songs together and somehow she always gets them in the order that they should be in. A God thing, I guess. :~) On music night there is rarely a dry eye in our little room. Last night there were only about 8 chairs available so the majority of us loaded up in the floor. It was actually a magnificent sight. To see all the beautiful ladies coming into this little room to get a little 'Jesus'.

Far too often we see the ladies leave and come back, over and over. It is heart breaking for us to see. Last night, N was back. This is about her 4th time coming back in the 3 years I have been going to ACDF. Her sister was in with her. N and a friend forced the sister to come in. It was obvious that she did not want to be there. She came in, sat in the floor and put her music lyrics in the floor, no interest in reading them let alone singing along! She got up and left and loudly proclaimed "I don't want to be here". She said "sorry" to us as she was walking out the door to which I replied "it is okay". About 10 minutes later she returned and sat down. She picked up her music lyrics and read along as we sang. Pretty cool.

Anyways...one of the songs we sang last night was 'Stronger' by Hillsong. Have you heard this song?? If not, hop on over to You Tube and listen to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv55FMjeMV0

This song is just so awesome. Here are the lyrics:

There is love that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross you broke my shame and sinfulness
you rose again victorious
Faithfulness none can deny through the Storm and through the fire
there is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

Chorus
You are stronger
you are stronger
Sin is broken
you have saved me
it is written
Christ is risen
Jesus you are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defense
you came to seek and save the lost
you paid it all upon the cross
So let your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher be lifted higher

Isn't that just awesome?? Jesus and all His love came to be broken for our sin. Think for a minute about the most vile thing you have done. What is it? It could be anything...I am sure that my 'vileness' isn't the same as yours. THAT is what Jesus was broken for. Not just that but all of our sins. But, notice what this song says. Sin is broken. Sin is broken. Jesus did that for us. He died to break our sin. This was the ultimate victory. We no longer have to live in our sin. We don't have to let our sin own us or control us. Jesus gave us the power to beat it. He gave us the power to break sin. We do not have to live in that continual sin mode. Jesus is stronger. Not only is Jesus stronger. If we are followers of Him...therefore, WE are stronger. The same power that lifted Jesus from the grave lives in us. Do you get that? Most of the time I forget that. I have power! I have power over sin, over satan. I just have to use it.

Jesus came to seek and save the lost. He paid it all upon the cross. What an amazing Saviour we serve!

So, Friday is the day...

2009-09-01T14:35:00.005-04:00

Remember the biopsy I was had a few weeks back that I blogged about. Well, the results for the biopsy were NOT malignant so that is a blessing. However, because of the size and it is continuing to grow the doctor said it has to come out.

This Friday 9/4 is the day. I will be staying the night in the hospital. They are going to remove it. I am not excited about this surgery at all. Well, not just this surgery but I can honestly say that no matter what surgery it would be...I am NOT excited. My last 2 (and only) experiences with surgery were not a good experiences.

My first surgery was a gall-bladder removal. It was done as an out-patient and let me just be honest with you for a second. On the way home from the surgery, I peed on myself and on my car seat. Not a good thing. I was very sick.

My second surgery was a hernia repair from the gall-bladder surgery. I didn't have a good experience with anesthesia.

So, here I go again for the 3rd surgery. Needless to say I am not excited (did I say that already?) and I am really dreading it. I am very nervous and just wish I could skip over this part of my life. :-) Or forget about it all together.

Anyways... I won't be around for a week or so. Please pray for me. My surgery is Friday 9/4 at 1pm. Thanks! :~)

My heart has been heavy

2009-08-26T08:12:00.006-04:00

Have you ever sit and thought back to a time in your life that was just a shameful time? A time that if possible you just maybe would go back and do it all over? A time that just makes your heart feel so heavy that you aren't sure you can carry the weight of it as you walk?

That is where I sat yesterday. Yesterday was the five year mark of the day that I gave away what was not mine to give. (Description borrowed from http://www.sarahmarkley.com/)
I do not know why I remember this date. I remember a lot of dates. Most of them not very important. I am great remembering birthdays, phone numbers - not so much at anything else. :)

There are many Christian women bloggers out there blogging about affairs. Theirs, their husbands. It seemed like yesterday most of the blogs I follow were blogging about the same thing. Most is an exaggeration I know, but with my heavy heart it felt that everyone was talking about affairs.

Five years ago, I made a tragic mistake. I made a horrible decision. I let the enemy win during that time in my life. I closed out God. I went to church and put on a pretty good face but inside I was dying. God never moves, He never changes, He is the one constant. We move away from Him. I moved. I moved far away. I did not pray. I did not worship. I did not talk to or about God. I didn't want too. I had no desire to pray or to worship. I knew that the very instant I spoke to God or raised my hands to Him I would be flat out on the ground, broken. Which is exactly where I needed to be. I knew that if I talked to him I would have NO choice but to immediately stop what I was doing and fall in front of Him AND my husband and ask for forgiveness, not fulling expecting that I would get it. I knew I needed to stop, I knew I needed forgiveness. Gods and my husbands.

I knew that God is the God of the universe. I knew that He is holy and he wants me to be holy. I knew that he expected and even told me to FLEE from sin. Not to hang around it. Not to flirt with temptation. I didn't listen. It is almost like I didn't really believe what His word said. Almost.

The day that I heard 'his' voice on the phone something inside was screaming at me. Not softly warning me. Not saying to me in a gentle voice "hang up". Screaming, literally. I didn't listen. I should have. That one little phone call is the beginning of what should have been the end.

In human time, the affair itself didn't last very long. But, that short period of time broke hearts. I told my husband, I told God, I told my small group, I told my best friend, I told one of the pastors of my church. I asked for forgiveness from God and my husband. Both of them forgave me. Darrin forgave me and loved me...even when he didn't have too.

Five years later I am still married to the most wonderful man in the world. Our marriage is strong and God is the third line in the three strand cord. A three strand cord will not be easily broken.

This isn't the first time I have blogged about this and probably won't be the last. I have found that when I share my story, I find freedom. This is God using what I meant for evil and He is making it for good. I pray that someone will read these words and their life will be changed. They will decide to NOT call that ex. They will decide to end the affair and come clean before God and their spouse. I pray that people will allow God to restore their lives and their marriages - the way that He has mine.

Father Figure

2009-08-23T18:47:00.004-04:00

Please pray for my sister in law. She tried to commit suicide yesterday. A lot of things led up to this desperate act. Her and my brother have a history of drug abuse. They are both out of a job and are about to be evicted from their apartment. Please pray that they will surrender their lives to God, completely.

I do not understand God. I don't understand His love for me. In fact often times, I just don't believe it. I have a hard time making Gods love real in my life. I will admit this.

I think that a lot of this has to do with the way that I view my own father. My dad died when I was 18 but honestly, I lost him a long time before that.

When I was almost seven years old my mother died. She was pregnant with my younger brother Josh and died during childbirth due to complications. I don't know exactly what complications there were I just know that on April 9, 1982 my dad came and told me and my 12 year old brother Jimmy that our mom was not coming home. I do not remember anything else about that event. I only know what I have been told as I grew up. In fact, I hardly remember anything until I was maybe in 5th or 6th grade. Maybe this is normal, maybe not.

Shortly after my mom died my dad remarried. He married a woman named Tammy who was a family friend. My dad was almost 40 and Tammy was 20. Me and my brothers did not go to the wedding. In fact, we didn't know there was going to be a wedding. We found out when they came home married. Tammy did not want to raise 3 children that were not her own. She did not want to take on the responsibility of a 12 year old boy, a 7 year old girl and a newborn baby. Therefore, we went to live with my grandparents.

My grandfather built a house very close to my dad. We could have walked to his house in minutes. My grandparents were Josh's parents. Growing up he called them mom and dad. They weren't mamaw and papaw to him like they were me and Josh. The fact that we lived close to my dad didn't really make any difference in our relationship. The only time I remember seeing my dad was at Christmas and on our birthdays.

I remember one Christmas he came over when the family got together. My mamaw had a cup that said "anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy". I do not know where she got the cup but I knew that this day I wanted to give my daddy coffee in this cup. My dad loved coffee. I poured his coffee in this special cup and gave it to him. I don't think that he noticed the saying on it. I am not sure he noticed me at all. I don't remember my dad hugging me, kissing me, telling me that he loved me. I have 2 pictures where I was sitting on his lap. One at Christmas when I was around 8 and one at my birthday when I was around the same age.

My grandfather took care of me and my brothers. However, when I was 13 he kissed me. My mamaw was out of town with her sister Lois. Me, my brother Josh and my cousin George were home with my papaw. I grew up in the country and we did not have a lot of money. We lived in a log cabin that my papaw built. There was no air conditioner. In the summer it was hot, really hot. We had ceiling fans so that helped a little. In the winter it was cold, very cold. My mamaw would block off the house except for the living room and kitchen and we would use the wood stove to heat the house. So, this night it was hot. I was sleeping downstairs in the living room floor because it was cooler down there. I am not sure where my cousin George was - probably in Josh's room with him. This was the same night, after he kissed me I was in the floor in the living room. He came in and he laid next to me and asked could he sleep with me. I told him no or something to that effect. The next day I called my cousin, who was also my best friend at the time, and told her. We got on the phone with my aunt and uncle and told them. My papaw said that I was imagining or mis-understanding things. These things never happened. He said that I was just mad because we were moving to Florida and I didn't want to go. My aunts and uncles believed him. Looking back now, I am not surprised. He was their father. He was an upstanding man in the community. He was county commissioner, deacon of the church and a Sunday school teacher. I was made to apologize to him. I did it. I was always a very quite and non-confrontational girl. So, in my mind what could I do.

I remember another instance I was in my room changing clothes. I was naked. He walked in on me, stood there for a second and left. A few minutes later, after I was dressed he came back and handed me a $20.00 bill. In this time, in my life $20.00 was a big deal. Remember we did not have a lot of money. I remember I felt very cheap. I felt like I had been violated. I didn't even understand or know why I felt like that. Once when I said that I wanted to work for the FBI and be an undercover agent he lovingly told me that "the only undercover work I would ever do was under the covers" and thought this was hilarious. There are other times but it really doesn't matter.

Several years later...we moved from Florida and back to Tennessee. My dad was divorced from Tammy. He had a girlfriend named Peggy who was also a family friend. She befriended me. I told her what my grandfather had done to me and she believed me! She told my dad which started the process of me moving into his home with him. I was 16 at the time. I moved in with my dad and it was very awkward. For both of us, I imagine. I think he tried to show me love. There are several little things that I remember. We didn't talk and didn't have a relationship. We just sort of co-existed in the same home. My older brother Jimmy committed suicide when I was 17. It was the summer before my senior year.

Throughout high school I had the same boyfriend. My senior year we broke up. I met another guy, Scott and we married the October after I graduated. In January 1994 my dad died of a heart attack. I didn't know him. I didn't have a relationship with him. I really didn't have a dad in the traditional sense.

My dad show me fatherly love. He gave me away when I was seven. My other father figure, my papaw only showed me the love that says I am wanted because I am a girl and what I can offer a man sexually.

I think this is why it is so hard for me to believe and to know that God loves me. He loves me just the way that I am. He loves me more than I could ever imagine. He cares about me. He wants the best for me. He wants to have a relationship with me. He wants to know me and wants me to know Him. He wants my dreams to be a success. I mean, I KNOW these things but KNOWING and knowing are different. You know what I mean? My head knows it but my heart doesn't know it.

I wonder if my dad had lived and if we could have built a relationship with me as an adult would things have been different? Would it be easier for me to believe God? Or would it have been the same?

I know God doesn't want this to hinder my beliefs about Him. He wants me to know that His word is true above all else. He wants His love and desire for me to be a reality. Now, I just have to figure out how to let Him do this work in me.

Five years ago...

2009-08-21T09:20:00.004-04:00

I want to share something with you that is terrible that happened five years ago. I will apologize in advance for the rambling because my thoughts are all over the place. :-)

Five years ago, I made a horrible decision, a tragic mistake. I allowed anything other than God to lead my life and listened to the lies of the enemy.

I had an affair on my husband of almost 6 years (at that time). There, I said it! I can't honestly tell you WHY I did it. I allowed my sinful emotions to rule me. I felt old, I felt ugly. I believed the lie that satan told that committing this sin would make me feel young and pretty. My husband wasn't abusive, he didn't treat me bad. He was (and is) actually a great husband. I won't say that we had a perfect marriage. But, hey - who does? :-)
Five years later, I can honestly say that doing what I did makes me feel very ugly - even five years later.

With God, Darrin and I are still married five years later and honestly our relationship is better than it ever has been! I will not take one piece of credit for that. Everything that has transpired to make our relationship a success is due to God, prayer and my wonderful husband.

When I did this awful thing, I felt so guilty. I felt awful. I remember when I 'told' Darrin. We were arguing about something, I can't remember what. I said to him "what if I did have an affair". I can't remember what he said but he went out to mow the lawn. He wasn't out there long and he came back in and said to me "have you". I said "yes". I don't remember the exact conversation from there. It went from bad to worse, I am sure. I cried, he cried. He didn't understand, naturally. I didn't even understand why. But, the one thing I can remember for certain is that Darrin never raised his fist to me, he didn't yell at me, he didn't tell me he wanted a divorce when he had every right to do so. I broke our marriage vows. I committed the worst sin that I could find against my husband and more importantly against God. I am so blessed and so thankful that Darrin sought God through this. Thank God that we were involved in a church and a small group. Our small group was awesome. They rallied around us. They cried with us. They prayed for us.

Our pastor was doing a series on sexual sins at this time and one night at church the sermon broke me. I went to the front and fell on my knees and cried out to God. I shared my 'secret' with our small group pastor. He was point blank honest with me. He told me what I was doing was wrong and I had to stop, immediately! I was sick at work. I couldn't eat. I lost 15lbs from the stress, the diarrhea. I cried all the time. My best friend at work knew something was wrong and she asked me if I was seeing someone else. I told her yes. She told me point blank that what I was doing was wrong and I needed to stop, immediately. I know that God put these people in my life to be honest with me. I needed someone to tell me that I was sinning against my husband and most importantly against God. I needed people who loved God to see what I was doing and to tell me to stop! If you are doing this...if you are thinking of this. When someone who loves you tells you to stop - listen to them. They love you and want to help you.

Also, during this time I had a friend who said to me "maybe God put this guy in your life because you are supposed to be together". What?!?!? I knew that God did NOT do this. Know this. God does not tempt us. God does not put sin in our path for us to fall into. What God will do is this. He will provide a way for us to get out of that temptation. IF we will only listen to Him and follow.

Here we are, five years later. My marriage is wonderful. God blesses me more than I could ever ask for or deserve. The repercussions of my affair are over, right? Not by a long shot. I have often heard that the consequences of sin are in the sin itself. It didn't make sense to me. Now it does. I (and Darrin) are still faced with the consequences of my sin five years later. He still wants to know why. I think of what I did on a daily basis. No kidding, daily. I remember what I did on a daily basis. I remember the torture and the hurt on my sweet husbands face and I know that I did that to him. Me. My bad decision. My mistake. My choice. Mine. I have to live with that hurt that I inflicted on him.

I asked my husband if he would mind if I would blog about this. I can imagine what he was thinking "why" would she want to do that. The only reason is because I felt like I should. I pray that someone who is thinking of doing this will come across this and maybe re-think their decision. If that is you...email me, get in touch with your pastor, a Godly friend. Ask for help, advice. Seek Godly counsel. One piece of advice I will give you is...don't take advice from your lost friends. They may be great friends but a lot of times they won't lead you in the direction that God wants you to go in.

I pray that someone reading this who is thinking about or in the middle of having an affair will read my story and question the lies that they have been told by the enemy. Please feel free to email me at bookworm614@bellsouth.net if you would like.

Blessings

2009-08-13T12:29:00.002-04:00

Today started out rough. I got to work and had several email 'projects' sitting in my in-box. I had a lot of electronic payments that came in. I was very overwhelmed the first 2 hours here today.

It is now 12:30pm and I have been at work for 5 hours and I have to admit that my day has gotten so much better. In several instances today I have seen God move and I have let God use me. I can't go into specifics with out breaking confidences but what a joy it is to serve a God who is so capable of turning a bad day into a great one.

Please pray for the 'confidences' above. Their struggles are far from over but I see God working in their lives. I pray that they will see it also.

Racism, prejudices and gripes

2009-08-12T10:54:00.006-04:00

Todays post is kind of just a rambling, fussing, going nowhere post.

------------------------------

I was raised in a very small town. Population 600 - seriously. We had no grocery store, no red lights, one school K-12, 1 gas station and when I was in 6th or 7th grade we got Tiger Mart! Tiger Mart was a convenience store. My family was racist. They were prejudiced against anyone who was not hetero-sexual and white and Baptist. It was not uncommon for me to hear the N word in my home. To hear off color jokes about homosexual's, hispanics, African Americans and any other race or different person you want to throw in there. As a child, it didn't really HIT me that this was wrong. My small town, population of 600 was 99% white and probably 85% Baptist. I had a friend in school who had an Asian mother. I never thought that I was better than her or even really thought anything about her skin color. However, she was definitely the minority in my small K-12 school. In middle school I was a cheerleader and we played football teams that had other races on them. That was the only interaction I had with someone who was 'different' than I was. I will tell you, I had a major crush on Michael Jackson and Theo from the Cosby Show. :-)

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My aunt married a wonderful black man and was disowned by her father, who was my grandfather. My grandmother was not allowed to talk to my aunt, she wasn't allowed to come around. I was still quite young and I did not realize the impact of what was happening. My grandparents eventually divorced and said aunt and her husband were welcomed (mostly) into the family.

------------------------------

When I graduated school and went to Roane State I had my first real interaction with someone who was African American. I had a guy ask me out on a date. I said no, not because of his skin color but because I had a boyfriend. Time goes on...I get married, divorced and start dating again. I am very attracted to black men. I feel a little odd about this. I wonder how my family is going to feel or what they will say but I don't really care either. By this point, I know that those racist and prejudiced values that I were taught were wrong.

----------------------------

Years later...I am married to a wonderful black man. We will be celebrating our 11 year anniversary next month. I have a wonderful mother in law, father in law, sister in law and brother in law and many more extended family members. My two very best friends are not white. No doubt, what I was taught as a child was completely wrong. It goes against everything that we were told God was and what He thought. However, we were taught on the verse that says "be not unequally yoked". However, that verse was not expounded upon. They never said the last part which says "with unbelievers".

---------------------------

I live in Tennessee still. I know beyond any doubt that racism still exists and is rampant everywhere. I am confronted with it daily. Even by people who swear that they are not racist! I hear comments like "those Mexicans" "those people" "they were acting black" "they were trying to act white" and the list goes on. Not all Hispanic people are from Mexico! One group of people whether white, black, hispanic, homosexual do not act one way. We are all individuals and we have our own individual personalities, our own quirks, etc.

---------------------------

I am so tired of racism and prejudices. So tired of people thinking that it is okay to hate another person for any reason but especially because of skin color, sexual preferences, religious denomination, etc. Hatred is never okay. We should never judge a person based upon outward appearances.

---------------------------

The same person who said "mexicans" to me says that they aren't racist. They have NO problem with anyone based upon skin color. The same person who said to me "I can't go out of my hotel room because they are all black" says to me that he is not racist. The same person who said to me "they were acting black" says that she is not racist. The same person who said to me "they were trying to act white" says that she is not racist. The same person who said to me "I can't allow my kids to be around you and your husband because the inter-racial relationship would confuse them" says to me that she is not racist. I am tired of people saying I am not racist but not really knowing the definition of that word. I am tired of people saying I love everyone but calling homosexuals by an insulting name. Just yesterday I had someone say something to be about a certain type thing called N something!!! Are you serious??? What would make someone think that it is okay to even say that word to me?!?! What would make someone think that it is okay to say that word period?!?! The thing is, that person knew it was WRONG because when they said it they whispered it! Seriously people! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of racism and prejudices. Seriously!

--------------------------------

I was told by an uncle when I talked to him and my aunt about my boyfriend who was black that "God does not see our outward appearance, God looks at our heart".

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Isn't it about time that everyone do the same??

Just call me Betty Crocker.

2009-08-11T08:32:00.014-04:00

For about a week or so now, I have been craving a snickerdoodle cookie. These are probably my favorite cookies, ever. So, being the baker that I am I decided to make some homemade snickerdoodle cookies last night. Admit it, that cookie above looks yummy and you want one, right? Yep, me too... because that is most definately NOT the way my cookies turned out.

So, I got my directions off the internet. They sound pretty simple...I mix all my ingredients together in a bowl. It is looking pretty good. However, I notice that the mix is quite runny. The recipe tells me to roll the mix in 2 in balls.

This is not possible. The mix was SO moist I simply dropped a little from the spoon directly into my bowl of cinnamon and sugar and rolled it around.

So, when I finally got it onto the pan it was like a little blob of....something.

So, I decide that on my next batch I will just add some more flour so the mix is a little more consistent so I can actually roll the mix into a ball and into my cinnamon/sugar mixture. At this point, it still isn't working out too well so I add MORE flour. Finally I am able to pick it up and roll it into a ball. My dear husband comes in and I say to him "this isn't working out so well" to which he replies "I will eat them". Bless him.

Once in the oven they are looking pretty good. Huh?

Then, the final moment comes and I get them out of the oven and try to get them off the pan to which they are very attached too. They crumble, I taste, they aren't horrible but definately not like the snickerdoodle I have been dreaming about.

My dear husband comes in again and I say "they are awful" to which he replies "put them in my lunch, I will eat them" because he is a firm believer that NO food should go to waste. Even ruined cookies. He even said that they tasted good. :)

Look at them...guess I got carried away on the flour. Cake anyone??

Thyroid Biopsy

2009-08-06T10:47:00.003-04:00

Not very excited about today. I am going to have a biopsy on a quite large nodule/cyst/growth on my thyroid. My appointment is at 12:30pm. The lady at the hospital said I should be done by 2:30. I looked on the internet (I know, I know bad idea) and it said the biopsy takes 10-15 minutes so I am wondering what exactly is going to take 2 hours?

I am not really worried about the results but I am worried about that big, long needle sticking in my throat. They nice lady at the hospital explained that I would be given a shot (in the neck) to numb the area then they will proceed with the 10 inch needle. Okay, okay it probably isn't quite 10 inches but it will look that way to me!

Also, I was told that I would need a driver? I asked why because I knew I would not be under sedation and I was told "in case of bleeding". Oookkaayy...I assume that there will be some bleeding because after all you are sticking a 10 inch needle in MY NECK. So, I am praying that I won't have enough blood that I wouldn't be able to drive myself. However, my terrific husband will be escorting me for this 10 inch needle procedure and will be driving me home - whether there is blood, or not.

The King

2009-07-29T08:45:00.001-04:00

http://jessicamock.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/July-2009-newsletter.pdf

Jessica is a lady that Darrin and I met while in Thailand in October 2008. Read her newsletter and visit her blog. Support her or pick another missionary to support!

depression, feeling down, feeling alone...

2009-07-27T15:15:00.003-04:00

Often times on my blog I have referred to Shaun Groves blog. I have read his blog for several months now and his honesty is just astounding. He has been missing from the blog world for a while and I have wondered and worried about where he has been. Well, his blog once again...the honesty moves me. God is using this blog to touch so many lives. If you have ever struggled with depression, felt down, felt alone, etc you really should check out his blog. In fact, even if you haven't - - check it out anyway. Go back and read some of his older blog posts. Follow it. You won't regret it.

http://www.shaungroves.com/shlog/

Driving backward on the interstate

2009-07-23T09:39:00.004-04:00

So, I was driving down interstate 40W yesterday and imagine my suprise when I seen an orange Volkswagon Beetle driving down the interstate BACKWARD! I just had to get my phone out and take a picture. This in itself was a major feat. Here I was traveling 70mph, driving, in the car by myself, trying to get my camera on and get close enough to the car to get a picture of it all while keeping my hand on the wheel and managing to keep my car in my correct lane. I had to practically push that black Volvo (I think) in front of me out of the way. Finally, I got close enough and snapped a picture! Then I realize that it isn't traveling backward the person has a front bumper on the back of his car also. Cute, huh?

Alpha House

2009-07-23T09:24:00.008-04:00

http://www.alphahouseinc.net/

The weekend before last our small group went to Alpha House and had a cook out. We arrived around noon and most of the group was already there.

A few weeks earlier our group decided to go in together and get a grill for Alpha House. This was one of the items that was on their 'wish list'. (For a list please go to their website and email them if you feel led to give a gift or a financial contribution)

I know I say this often and will probably continue to tell you what a great work Alpha House is doing on our community. Alpha House can currently house 4 women who are leaving incarceration. They have volunteers come in and lead Bible study, teach life skills, hang out with the ladies and just show them love. These women are getting a fresh new start on life and what a joy to be able to be part of their growth and their life. If you serve others for God somewhere you know the kind of joy that I am speaking of. If you do not serve, I strongly encourage you do it. Somewhere...if you aren't sure where just keep trying different places till you find the one that fits. Alpha House is a great place to start! Visit their website above for a volunteer application.

The women who started the home are a group of 4 sisters and their mother. They are a great group of women who are letting God lead their move and their decisions over this home.

I just wanted to share with you what are group did and show you some pictures of how much fun we had! Enjoy!!

Today is a great day...

2009-07-22T07:31:00.002-04:00

to sponsor a Compassion child! Vist www.compassion.com or www.love89.org if you are here in the Knoxville area, or anywhere else. If you live in the Knoxville area and listen to Love 89 well you know that today and tomorrow they are having a Compassion drive for a village in Africa. Seriously, you should sponsor a child. It is $38 a month. I know it sounds like a lot of money but really it isn't. Just think about it. How many times do you eat out a month, stop at Starbucks, go to the movies, buy candy, soda, etc. If you just cut back a little you could save up that $38 in no time. If you can't do it alone join up with a friend and sponsor a little boy or girl together! What a huge impact you will make on this childs life! I am telling you, God has called us to take care of the orphans, the widows and the poor. So many people do not take this seriously. Don't believe ME, you shouldn't? Just read from Matthew 25.

31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

There you have it. Just one example.

Anyway...Darrin and I sponsor a little boy from Guatamela named Denis. Denis just turned 5 years old. I am so excited when I see a letter in my mailbox from Denis and his family. His mother writes for him because he is only 5 but he can draw the best pictures ever! The time before last he drew me this adorable picture of a tree, a bird and some grass and flowers. It is still hanging on my fridge. Denis lives in a village that his mother tells me is very beautiful but very poor. Denis likes to play with his friends and play soccer. His favorite Bible story is the one about David and Goliath. Denis and his story could be similar. Denis faces a big giant as he grows. Poverty. But, like David, Denis can and will overcome this giant. Not alone but with the help of God. See, one of the things that I love about Compassion is that they tell the kids about Jesus. With the money that Darrin and I send each month Denis is able to attend school, have medical care, get his vaccinations. He is cared for. He gets to go to the Compassion center each day and be around people who will have a Godly difference in his life. Not only his, but his families. With Compassion you can send money for Compassion to purchase a family gift. This family gift could be beds, it could be a goat. It is something for the family tat they can use.

In my last letter from Denis he asked for me to send him more photos of me, my family and my home. It is just an amazing thing to be able to make a difference in a childs life. For as little as $38 a month.

Want to win a great prize??? Visit the link below!

2009-07-14T13:00:00.001-04:00

www.themeanestmom.blogspot.com/2009/07/body-shop-giveaway.html

Please visit this site and pray

2009-07-12T20:56:00.000-04:00

www.prayforkate.com

back to school shopping

2009-07-09T10:57:00.003-04:00

Do you remember back when you were in school (and maybe you are still in school) and back to school time came? Did you just LOVE going back to school shopping? Getting brand new jeans, shirts, shoes, etc and making the perfect outfit....wasn't it one of the best feelings in the world??

Sadly, for many children and teenagers this is not a happy, joyful time for them. Due to the financial state of their parents they aren't able to go back to school shopping. They aren't able to experience the euphoria that comes with purchasing new jeans, shirts and shoes to make the PERFECT outfit.

I grew up with my grandparents and while we never went hungry we did not have extra money. Most of the clothes that I got were hand me downs from cousins or aunts. I do remember one year going back to school shopping with my dad. I remember a big box full of clothes for me and my brothers and I thought I was pretty cool. I am not saying that I wore dirty or torn clothing. I don't remember that at all. However, there are many kids who have no choice but to wear dirty or torn clothing.

Dirty and torn clothing! Can you imagine sending your own child to school the very first day in a pair of jeans that are two inches too short, a hole in the knee and one in the butt. A t-shirt that is stained with grass, dirt or any other substance. A pair of shoes that are sadly one size too small and look worn out? Would you do it? What if you had no other choice? How would you feel? How do you think your child would feel? To be one of the few who show up on the very first day of school in (gasp) NOT new clothes??

It would be like walking on a car lot. The lot is full of brand new, shiny Porsche's (is that a word?). In the middle of the lot there is this one little car. It is a 1950 Pinto (did they make Pinto's in 1950?), there are rust spots all over it, holes where the rust has worn through the body, the color is a burnt red color. It would be out of place, huh?

Now, think about the children who go to school in the same school with your children who are feeling exactly that on the first day of school. What can you do? There are organizations that help these children and their families. Find one, do something about it. Help bring a smile to a childs face today.

One organization I have attached the link below does just this. They are local here in Knoxville, TN.

www.karm.org

Prayer Needs

2009-07-06T08:39:00.003-04:00

Our God is a big God. Today I am reminded again how fragile life is. There are so many around us who are hurting, who need prayer and who need to know Jesus.

Please pray for:

My friend Cheryl and her friend Tiffany. They are incarcerated at Fluvanna Correctional Facility in Troy, VA. Please pray for the inmates, the guards and the administration of this institution.

My co-worker and her family. A couple of members in her family are having health tests, issues, surgeries, etc.

My co-worker's niece and her newborn baby. The baby was born last week and was born with our the heart being completely formed. The baby was sent from Athens to Children's Hospital here in Knoxville and then to Vanderbilt in Nashville.

My co-workers son who is having ear pain. He told her in the morning over the weekend that his hear has been hurting very bad. She asked him why didn't he wake her and she would have given him some medicine to which is reply was "No, I prayed because I knew that God could take the pain away if I would just be patient. At 3:30 he did and I was able to go to sleep". He is still having ear pain but has so much faith that God is going to heal him.

My co-worker who went to Wilderness in the Smokies this weekend and hurt her back on one of the slides.

All the girls in Anderson County Detention Facility and the guards.

My brother, Josh.

All the ones around us who are lost.

Beautiful Music.

2009-07-02T08:49:00.003-04:00

Last night was my normal Wednesday night. I leave work around 5pm each Wednesday and travel to Clinton, TN. Before you go thinking I am making some long, hard trip I have to tell the truth. Clinton is only about 20 minutes from my work. However, even if it were an hour and 20 minutes, probably even if it were 2 hours - I would make the trip each Wednesday anyway. Well, except if it were 2 hours I would be late and wouldn't be able to make it into my destination.

Where am I going and why would I be willing to make that drive? Each Wednesday I get the wonderful opportunity to share my life, my love and Gods love with the women of Anderson County Detention Facility (ACDF). I am not exaggerating when I say a WONDERFUL opportunity. Just ask any of the other ladies that go into ACDF with me. I go in with Brandy, Lynda and Lisa on a normal basis. These are three Godly, funny women. I often say they are my favorite people in the world! I mean it. :-)

Last night was no exception to the wonderfulness (is that a word?). Last night was music night. We LOVE music. Brandy is our awesome DJ who takes an enormous amount of time (more than we originally knew about) and puts together about 10-12 of the most awesome worship songs, puts them on a CD, types out and prints out the lyrics for 15-30 women and blesses us with the most perfect put together group of songs - EVER! And I do mean EVER. The way that the music flows and fits together and kind of climaxes at the end just blows us away, every time.

I can't name you all the songs we worshipped to last night. Although, I can tell you it was moving. There was no dry face in the room of us. Some of us (me included) were practically bawling. I mean sobbing, hardly able to hold the sobs in. God was in that room and he was dancing over us and lavishing in our praises for him. We had our hands raised, our voices high and our hearts and eyes toward Heaven. I was sitting in the floor next to A. A is a lady who has been in and out of ACDF so many times in my 3 years of ministering there. I have come to expect this. Sadly. For the first time in my 3 years I seen A break down last night. I have seen her shed a few tears every now and then. Mostly for the dramatics, I was certain. She is most often very dry eyed. Last night while singing about what our God done for us she broke down sobbing. I just grabbed her and put my arm around her and we sobbed together. No words had to be spoken. Our hearts were talking to God. That is all that we needed. Not long after this the song 'How He Loves' by Kim Walker was on. If you have NEVER heard this song and the story behind it. Go to You Tube and look it up. I am telling you it will move you. (Edited to add: I have added that song on the bottom of my blog if you want to hear it)

How He Loves us talks about how God loves us. I lost it on this song. During the song Brandy shared with the girls just how much God loves them. After the song, I shared with them some of what I wrote in my last blog. I was crying and having a hard time sharing. I let them know just how much God does love them and how He chases us and wants us.

At the end, at the very moment the guard told us it was time to go, Brandy asked the girls some questions. Do you believe in God? Do you believe in satan? Do you believe in Heaven? In Hell? They all said yes. Then she told them even satan believes ALL those things. It is not enough to believe. It is all about the relationship that we have with God. She told them to talk to someone if they didn't know what she was talking about. Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!

As we were worshipping I closed my eyes and stopped singing. I listened to the voices of these women. Wow and wow. They are wonderful. I know that what I heard was beautiful and I know that what God heard was even more wonderful. God inhabits the praises of His people. What does that mean exactly? When we are praising Him. Really praising him, in music, in dance, in life, in anything. God is right there in the middle of it. God meets us right in our praise. Isn't that an amazing thought? Think about it....

The chase...

2009-06-25T18:58:00.002-04:00

Monday night was a hectic, crazy night here at my house. I won't go into all the details but it ended up that at the end of the night my brother Josh, my sister in law Leisha, my niece Kaylee, my two neighbors girls Valerie and Kailey were here at my house.

Leisha and I were outside talking while Darrin and Josh were inside. Kaylee (my niece) was outside with us. My neighbors Valerie and Kailey were out playing in our empty lot next to our house. Kaylee wanted me to call them over so she could "tell them something". Kaylee is 3 1/2, Valerie is 6 and Kailey is 7. I called Valerie and Kailey over and told them that Kaylee wanted to tell them something. The first thing that Kaylee done was start running away and said "chase me" while giggling.

Thinking about this yesterday I was giggling because Kaylee is just so darned cute! She is rotten and just so adorable. According to Kaylee, Valerie was gallery and Kailey was Katie. She just didn't get that Kailey was the same as Kaylee. The gallery thing was just the cutest in the world.

Kaylee wanted someone to chase her. Earlier in the evening she was saying "Daddy, chase me" and "Daddy, you can't catch me". Aren't we all like that?

Don't we (especially women) LIKE to be chased? In a good way, of course. Not the psychotic, killer, crazy chase but THE CHASE. We like to be pursued, we need to be wanted and want to be needed. Most of us probably were like Kaylee at 2-3 years old saying "chase me" and "you can't catch me". It is fun and it makes us feel like we are really wanted. The person who is chasing us cares about us enough to tire themselves out running around acting like they 'can't' get us. Knowing full well that Josh could have caught Kaylee - the fun part for her and for him, I am sure is the chase. Hearing her giggle and laugh and enjoy herself so much.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, of sorts. My mother died when I was 7 during childbirth having my younger brother Josh. I had an older brother Jimmy who was 12, then there was me and my new baby brother Josh. My dad remarried shortly to a woman was was much younger than him. In fact, she was only 8 years older than my older brother. Apparently she didn't want to raise another woman's 3 children and me and my brothers went to live with my grandparents. I did not have a relationship with my dad. Even as a teenager, I moved in with him for 2 years and we didn't know each other at all. We never built the relationship that a father/daughter should have. He died when I was 18 - when he died our relationship was as void as it was when I was 10.

All that to say this. I know for myself I have always felt that I wasn't loved enough. I wasn't worthy of the chase. My own father didn't want me so why would another man be willing to tire himself out chasing me? Now there were men who wanted me to chase them, who didn't want a chase at all. They wanted to take, never give. This just gave me confirmation of what I had felt all along. No one thought I was worthy enough to chase me.

I am a long way from that 7 year old little girl whose daddy didn't want to chase her. I am married to a wonderful man who loves me with all his heart. We will be married 11 years this year and it has been a wonderful time. However, with all the love that Darrin gives me I still feel those same feelings. I am not worthy to be chased. Darrin reminds me often that is not true but I find myself not believing him. Do you ever fall into that trap? Do you let satan tell you that you aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, tan enough, fair enough, whatever enough? Do you believe him way too often like I do??

While thinking about Kaylee and her enjoyment of being chased - I thought about God. The only man who can fulfill all of the needs that I, that we as women have. God chases me. He thinks that I am worthy of being chased. He is willing to run around, listen to me giggle and have fun, tire himself and finally catch me. He would love for me to let him pick me up and swing me around like Josh would do to little Kaylee. God is that for us if we will let Him be. God is the ultimate father to my absent, distant father. He loves me, He wants me. He just desires that I say to Him "Daddy, chase me". He doesn't want me to run in rebellion and say mockingly "chase me". He wants me to have that heart that Kaylee has. Knowing that He loves me and He will chase me and He will catch me and He will hold me and He will love me and He will be the man that I desire - IF I only let Him.

Serving God while in jail...

2009-06-17T16:14:00.002-04:00

Tonight is my weekly night at Anderson County Detention Facility commonly known to us as ACDF. Darrin goes to ACDF every Sunday and Wednesday. I go on Wednesday's. Honestly, most weeks I do not want to go but every week I never regret going. Something about this day that satan just pounds me and I guess I let him... I never leave ACDF feeling anything less than totally blessed by God. These women are such wonderful, loving women. Maybe not what you were thinking, huh?

Do you serve others regularly? Do you have a time each day/week/month that you spend giving up yourself, your time, your money? If you don't, I want to encourage you to serve somewhere. There are so many great organizations that you can become involved with. If you can't get involved in an organization - how about in your neighborhood? A stranger in the grocery store? There is no better blessing for me than the time that I spend with the women of ACDF and the women that I serve with. I am telling you the truth, those women that I serve with are my favorite people in the world! :-)

A lot of times after we go into ACDF and worship our King, we talk about His word, we lay hands on the sick, we hug and we cry with those women and we love them and we leave and we go break bread together. A frequent hang out is Taco Bell but we (the women anyway) much prefer Los Callabros. We laugh, talk, share our concerns and our thoughts.

Anyway, I am kind of rambling...I started this blog because I am looking foward to tonight. Not sure what God has in store for us but whatever it is will be great. He always meets us in that little room with these women who often times have given up hope.

The week before last we had a worship night. We took about 10 different songs and about 20 of us got into that little room (and I mean little) and we worshipped and we sang songs to Jesus and we got SO excited! Our hands were raised, we were yelling and clapping and just praising our King. I closed my eyes, quit singing and listened to these ladies and OH what a beautiful sound it was!! They sounded like Angels singing!! I was so full of God's love! I felt His presence in that little room with us.

Can't wait to see what He has in store for us tonight!!

If you don't serve others for God somewhere...step out, try it and you won't regret it! I promise!

Cuts, Scrapes, Bruises and rushing water

2009-06-16T07:56:00.002-04:00

Ever been to the Smoky Mtns? Ever went to the little town called Townsend and tubed the river? If you haven't - I do not recommend it.

Last Friday while Morgan and Payton were still here we decided to try tubing. This is something we have wanted to do for a while and just have never made the effort to actually do it. This fateful Friday --- we did. Darrin calls up to the place called River Rage and the lady told him that the water was high due to all the rain we have been having and the rapids were pretty quick so they were not letting 10 and under go on the upper rapids. We trek on up there. We get in and we go inside of course, we have to sign the waiver thingies. They made Payton wear a life vest which she did not want to do. However, they were making all 13 and under wear the life vests. Payon wears glasses and she originally was going to keep them on. But, we decided at the last minute that she should take them off just in case. Thank goodness!!!

We load up on the bright green van with 1 other couple. They take us up the road a mile or so and drop us off. We make our way down the little slope and get into the VERY COLD water. Cold doesn't describe it accurately. It was freezing. Like, when you are walking in your legs start turning numb it is so cold. We get onto our tubes and off we are down the river. Sounds fun, right?!?! That is what I thought in the beginning also. "This isn't SO bad" I said to myself. We got past the 1st set of rapids pretty successfully.

On to the 2nd set of rapids....this is where things start getting ugly! Morgan was leading us, Payton was behind her, I was behind Payton and Darrin was somewhere behind me. As Morgan starts down this set of rapids her tube did a 360 and she was in the water. She quickly managed to get back on her tube. Next Payton comes out of hers. She grabs her tube and as I was passing by I grabbed her arm and was holding her arm on my tube and she was holding her tube with the other arm. Her legs were hitting the rocks and she was saying to me "it hurts, it hurts". I told her that I knew but we had to get through these rapids into the calm so she could get back on her tube. She managed to get back on her tube somehow and as soon as she did off I went!! My tube goes floating down the river to my horror. If you come back with out a tube they charge you $20.00!! I was not happy about this...for about one second. In the next instant, I was fighting for my life. Okay, okay maybe not for my life but definately for my sanity! I was caught in the rapid and couldn't get out or up. All I could do was try to get up, the rapid kept pulling me down. I was face down and was trying to grab the rocks but they were too slippery. I guess I fell about 100 times (okay maybe not THAT many) right on my knees and just kept going down the rapid. At this time, I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I yelled for Darrin and he was like "just get up". Now, if I could "just get up" don't you think I would have??? That would have been much easier than trying to get up, falling, trying to get up, falling, over and over. Finally, Darrin got to me and helped me get over to the side. My knee was bleeding and needless to say I was DONE. I wanted out of this river and I wanted to go home! Once I got out of the river and started walking up the river bank I noticed that there were people standing on the side. I am sure having a good laugh at this crazy family of four and especially the adult woman screaming like a banshee. At this point, I didn't care. I was just thanking Jesus that I made it out alive!! Morgan and Payton caught my tube. My options at this point were 1. get back on my tube and tough the rest of the ride out 2. Walk to the road and wait for a bright green bus to pick me up 3. Sit down on the side and cry until someone felt sorry enough for me to take me back to my car so I could go home! I decided to get back on my tube and tough the rest of the ride out...I couldn't fall off anymore, RIGHT?!?! WRONG!!! I get back on my tube and am on my merry way and I had the unfortunate experience of going over another rapid. Guess what?!?! Off I came again! Darrin tried to help me again but at this point Morgan and Payton were gone and we couldn't even see them. I told Darrin to go with them I would be okay. Thankfully I fell between one huge rock and one small rock. I say thankfull because I was able to get between them to get back on my tube. Needless to say the rest of my ride on the upper river was spent in deep, deep prayer. Prayer for God to keep me on my tube and to save my life because I was sure that I did not want to die by this river and its evil, evil rapids!! After what seemed like a lifetime we finally go to the exit point. I was singing God's praises when I seen that sign. No kidding!!

We got to the car and had lunch, put some stuff on my many cuts. My knee was already swollen and bleeding. Darrin, Morgan and Payton really wanted to go on the lower river and I let them talk me into this. Why? I have no idea!! Before we left I made sure to ask the guy if the lower was ANYTHING like the upper and he assured me that it was not. The lower is where they take little children. After we eat we get back on the bright green bus and head off to the lower river. We once again get in the freezing water and start out. The man did not lie, this was completely different than the upper river. Not that I lessened my prayers any though! I needed Jesus to carry me over this water. :-) There were a couple of rough spots but Thank the Lord that He kept me on my tube! Payton got stuck and one point and I went to help her out and finally got her out after about 5 minutes and then they were all gone and I was left stuck by myself. After some fancy maneuvering I got myself over to the left side and was able to get out of my tube and walk over the part I was stuck in and hop back in. After about 2 hours of painful work (this river was SLOW so we had to use our muscles to get through it) we finally got to the exit!! I was praising God again! Although, I almost missed it.

Tubing on the river was an experience...one I never want to repeat! If you go...don't say that I didn't warn you. :-)

Alpha House Video

2009-06-15T07:41:00.001-04:00

http://www.amg-media.com/clientnet/alpha/alpha2.html

Six Flags and lots of prayers...

2009-06-09T12:56:00.003-04:00

Yesterday we went to Six Flags. We as in Darrin, myself, Morgan (16) and Payton (13). I throughly enjoy roller coasters. For some reason yesterday, as I got on Goliath I was terrified!! Immediately I started praying (seriously) and my prayer was more of "Dear Jesus help me". We rode some other rides which I prayed on also. However, we got on Acrophobia (fear of heights). If you have never been to Six Flags or rode this ride...well, I highly advise against it unless you want to know what it would feel like to jump off a 200ft building and plumment to your death. This ride does that...this ride forced me to really evaulaute my relationship with God. Last year when I rode this ride I made a pact with myself to NEVER ride it again. I let Morgan and Payton (bless those girls) talk me into it. Okay, okay, I admit it didn't take much pressure from them for me to say joyfully "OKAY".

On a very serious note. Yesterday we were waiting in line for one of the water rides. Morgan told me she didn't feel very well. She felt like she was going to throw up. I told her that we didn't have to ride. We could go wait on the side and let Darrin and Payton ride. She said she wanted to ride so we proceeded to wait in this very long line. It was hot, not too hot. We were in line and the next people to load and Morgan says to me "Misty, I feel like I am going to pass out". She proceeded to lay her head on my shoulder. I told the guy across the way that we needed to get out NOW. He opened the gate, made the people get off the ride so we could cross and Morgan fell on me. I called to Darrin that I needed his help because I could not hold her by myself. Darrin came over and some how we managed to get Morgan across this boat onto the other side. She was completely incoherent. We layed her down on the ground and a lady came up who was a nurse and I knew that we needed to get her something to drink or something..Payton said she could run fast and bless her heart, she did. I handed her the money and she took off like lightening. I took off behind her and left Morgan in very capable hands of her father and the nurse. We were running around people yelling at them. We got to one of the windows where they were selling drinks and the people weren't paying much attention to us. Payton knocked on the window and I told the lady that we needed something sweet right now. She gave it to us and I told Payton to run it back to Morgan and I stopped at another window and got her a coke. I met them on the way back. Morgan was up but still feeling shaky. She drank her coke and ate the cotton candy. After about 45 minutes of sitting and resting for her (and me and Payton because we ran HARD) we left Six Flags.

This is the 3rd time this has happened to Morgan. However, she said that this was was longer and worse than all the rest. She describes it like this. She feels like she is going to throw up, her hearing shuts off and her vision clouds over and she just collapses. Her mom has taken her to the doctor and they can never seem to find a reason for this. Once we got into the car Morgan and Payton called their mom and explained what happened. Morgan's mom is going to make her another appointment for an evaul to hopefully find out what is causing this.

Please pray for Morgan, the wisdom of the physician she sees and just pray that God will put the people in her path to help to figure out what is going on that causes this sometimes. It was terrifying for me, Darrin and Payton and I know it was terrifying for Morgan.

Needless to say we are taking the rest of this week kind of easy. We are still going tubing and maybe on a smaller hike. Nothing as big as Abrams Falls.

Summer Fun

2009-06-07T19:05:00.002-04:00

Darrin's daughters Morgan (16) and Payton (13) from Florida arrived yesterday. We picked them up from the airport around 4pm or so.

Tomorrow we are off to Six Flags over Georgia. We are heading out around 6am tomorrow morning. Early, yes but it ensures that we will be there at opening time. We are praying that Atlanta has no rain tomorrow. Clouds are okay in fact, preferred by me. :-)

Later this week (weather permitting) we are heading up to the mountains to do some hiking to Abrams Falls and going tubing. The tubing was not my idea but I relented. I am NOT crazy about water and definately not about water that is essentially a creek with creatures and snakes swimming around in it. But, I am going and I AM going to have fun doing it. It will be something new atleast, right??

This morning we did not go to 'traditional' church. Instead, we had a church service here in our home with the girls. We listened to Hillsong for worship, prayed and we read and studied about the Samaritan woman. What I have always found fascinating about this is that Jesus made it a point to travel through Samaria to meet this woman. He made it a point to go where no other Jewish man would go, to speak to a woman that no other Jewish man would have spoke to. Isn't that just like Jesus?? Isn't that awesome that He will travel where so many others do not want to in order to do His fathers work? Morgan and Payton added some good insights into this passage so I am glad that we did this.

Last night we played some games. We played Clue and Scrabble. We always have a lot of fun with Morgan and Payton. They each have their own personalities but both are very funny girls. We never lack for laughter when they are around. Throw me and Darrin in the mix and we are our own regular comedy show!

Have a great week!!

No doubt, God DOES have a sense of humor!

2009-06-05T08:44:00.002-04:00

I have figured out why God didn't get me great, perfect teeth.

Yesterday I went to the dentist and as I was lying in the dental chair having horrible work (I say horrible but I have a great dentist) done on my teeth I realized why I am not someone who only has to go to the dentist twice a year for my cleaning.

God did this because He knows that I pray more and pray more desperately while sitting in that chair.

2009-06-04T10:55:00.002-04:00

Here lately I have been thinking quite a bit...amazing, huh? :-) Seriously though, I have been thinking about American Idol, movies, whatever else is the 'hot' thing of the minute. I don't have TV. Now, I have A TV but there is nothing coming out of it. We can watch DVD's, and we do. But, I sit here at work and so often listen to people talk about this and that that they watched on TV. That is ALL that they did the whole evening and not just that evening but every evening.

I wonder about people...I wonder do people not see the same things that I see? Do they not see the homeless on the streets, do they not see the hurting, the hungry children? There are so many needs all around us and I wonder does their heart not break like mine often breaks? Do they not wonder why this show or that show is more important than the real life stuff that is going on out there in our world? The child slave trade, the people who are being mis-treated in the world? These people are Christians. If WE don't see this how can we expect that someone who doesn't know God will see them??? If WE don't help the hurting then what are we doing?? Are we doing what God has commanded us to do? And if you say yes then please tell me how can that be done sitting on the sofa in front of the TV day in and day out, every evening, every moment that you have free? How can we fulfill the great commission from our sofa??

Just want to add a very small note here...I am not saying watching TV is bad. But, when that is all you do every evening and you don't spend any time thinking about or doing Gods work. Well, I think that we should re-evaluate some things.

All That I Can Say

2009-06-02T13:34:00.002-04:00

http://www.edjeung.com/crowder/audio/allicansay.mp3

Love, Love, Love this song! This is an old David Crowder song. On an older CD titled 'All That I Can Say'. Released in 1997 or 1998 and no longer being produced. How sad am I?? I found this song on a blog and have been looking for it since. I found out just yesterday that they are no longer producing this CD. If you like this song... go to the David Crowder blog and leave a comment asking him to re-release the CD. I would buy it, would you??

just a side note... I have been trying really hard to NOT use the word LOVE unless it is truly LOVE b/c we overuse the word so often. But, I had to use it in this post. :)

Support a Missionary...

2009-05-29T10:00:00.003-04:00

Jessica Mock
Bridges to the Nations
P.O. Box 40187
Pasadena, California 91114
their website is www.bridgestothenations.com

All donors will receive tax deductable receipts

Jessica is a young lady that Darrin and I met at a worship service in Pattaya last October. As soon as I met her I knew that she was on fire for God. She loves the people of Thailand and considers Thailand her home.
She is in there doing amazing and wonderful things in the name of our Lord. Check out her blog to see what she is up too at www.jessicamock.com. Read her blog, pray about supporting her. If you don't support her, support someone, somewhere! There are missionaries everywhere, here in the US - abroad. If you can't financially support someone pray for them. Pray for God to raise up people who can financially support these people that are doing Gods work everywhere!

On a roll...

2009-05-21T08:00:00.005-04:00

Good Morning all!! Isn't it a beautiful day that the Lord has made? Even if you are somewhere and it is raining or cold...isn't God just so good??

I just responded to another blog on Shaun Groves blog (www.shaungroves.com/shlog). Shaun just keeps on challenging me. It is a wonderful challenge!!

Last night I went to the jail. I go each Wednesday evening and have 'church' with the ladies. When we walk in some of them are just so happy that we are there! They call out "Church Ladies". What a joy it is for us to see the joy and excitement on their faces. They like us coming in and talking about God and going over His word. However, I believe that what they are truly excited about is us coming in and knowing that we love them. We love them in spite of their circumstances. We love them when most others look down at them for their mistakes. We love them when they return each and every few months. We love them when they are high and when they are clean. We love them clean and we love them dirty. They know that we come because we love them. They know we love them because God loves them.

Last night once again I had two ladies ask for Bibles. Not a big deal you may say, right? Well, there are 4 women that go with our group. None of us have the support of a church home. By support I mean, financial support to purchase Bibles. We do what we can. We often pool our own resources and purchase a case. However, a case of Bibles is not inexpensive. So we do not get to do that very often. All of us have given our own Bibles away on numerous occasions. There is just something about the look on their face when we hand them a brand new Bible though. Immediately, they bring the Bible to us and ask us to write in it. They want to know that the Bible is for them and from us.

The ladies that are in the jail are beautiful women who have made bad decisions. Unfortunately, the majority of these women leave incarceration and go back into their same community, the same friends and the same lifestyle that landed them in jail. Here in our community there are very few free rehabs for women who are leaving incarceration. Praise God for the couple that we do have that are doing His will!! One major one is Alpha House. Check out their website at http://www.alphahouseinc.net/.

Alpha House has been open for little less than a year. Can I take a minute to tell you about the founding of Alpha House? When I first started going to the jail it was just me and my husband Darrin. Shortly after a lady from church named Teddi started coming with us. We were sitting out in the lobby waiting to go back talking to one of the chaplains, Chaplain Bell. Chaplain Bell was explaining how these women have no where to go. He was saying, how can we expect them to do something different with their lives when they have no where different to go?? He asked us to pray for a home to open for these ladies. This has been a burden on my heart for quite some time. A little while later, God told Teddi that her and her sisters were the ones to do this!! She was like, ME??? No, I am just praying about someone to do this. God said "YOU". So, started the journey to Alpha House. I can't tell you about all the miracles that God has done for this group of 4 sisters and the mother opening this home. Alpha House is now open and is currently housing 3 ladies. Unfortunately, it will only house 4 or 5 at the very max. For more info on the Alpha House program and what they do there check out their website http://www.alphahouseinc.net/. Shoot them an email with any questions...these sisters: Teddi, Carolyn, Diana and Debbie and the mother Ms. Reva will be happy to answer questions! They are wonderful, wonderful Godly women who are living to serve our awesome Lord!

Last week there were over 60 women in our small jail. So, as you can see...Alpha House can't take them all. So, what are we to do? They are praying about another home that is larger. If I am not mistaken, their long term plans are to open an apartment complex for these women after they graduate from the 3 month Alpha House program. Well, they need YOUR support. You say, I can't give enough to make a difference. Well, even $5.00 can make a difference to these women. Go to their website http://www.alphahouseinc.net/ to donate! Make a difference in the life of a woman who so often feels forgettable (is that a word :) ). Who so often feels ashamed of her mistakes. Love her like Christ loves her.

My challenge to you is this.... if you aren't involved in a ministry outside the church doing something, anything. Do it! I promise you that is is more of a blessing to you than it is to them. What a reward! A reward that can top no material thing you will ever buy.

Join the Alpha House group on Facebook also!

Thailand/Missions/Ramblings....

2009-05-19T15:53:00.000-04:00

Most of you know that Darrin and I have been to Thailand twice on mission trips. We went and partnered with a group called Southern Cross Project. You can read my posts from Thailand below...

Well, I find myself so often remembering Thailand and the things that we participated in there, the work that we were doing and knowing that everything we did there was for God. There are many times that I just wish that I could go back, right now. I don't want to wait. I know that all things are in Gods time and it may not be in His purpose for me to go to Thailand at this moment in my life. Darrin asked me recently about going to Thailand, finding a job and helping with the slum ministry, with Tamar Centre and with Southern Cross on the weekends and evenings. What would be the difference between that and what I am doing now?? The only difference would be location. I want to be able to devote all my time serving God on the mission field. Yes, I know that where I am right now in the workplace is a mission field. It just feels a lot different when you are out there, in another country specifically devoting your time to Gods work. Here, I am focusing on patients, I am answering calls, calling insurance companies, etc. I know that everything I do I am supposed to do as if I were doing it for God and that this is where He has placed me at the moment.

Am I wrong wishing I were somewhere else, doing something else?

One day I hope that it will be God's will to send me and Darrin on the mission field, as missionaries. I hope that when He does decide it is time that I will be more than willing and able to go immediately. I want to be like the fishermen who left everything behind to follow Jesus.

While in Thailand we met a young man named Wes from Texas. Wes sold everything that he had in order to go to Thailand on the mission field. I want that to be me.

I often wonder if the missionaries out there realize the full extent of what they are doing? I am sure that they do. I am envious of them. Makes me wish that I had started younger, that when I was young that I cared more and followed God.
I want God to send me. Will He? I don't know....but, even if He doesn't I am going to continue to serve Him where I am.

Challenge from www.shaungroves.com/shlog

2009-05-18T15:42:00.000-04:00

If you haven't checked out Shaun Groves blog...do that first... www.shaungroves.com/shlog

I see so many needs right around me. Here in my workplace there are several single moms, several who struggle financially. In my neighborhood there are kids who could use some help getting their hair done. In my neighborhood/city - wow. There are so many people in bondage to drugs.

I do prison ministry with the women in my county. I also volunteer at Alpha House, a transitional home for ladies coming out of jail and prison. (www.alphahouseinc.net). I do one of my neighbors daughters hair. I have offered to do another, I keep hoping she will show up one day. My husband and I also sponsor a little boy named Denis who lives in Guatamela. I know that I could be doing more I am just not sure what I can do. When I think of all the needs in my community, my workplace, my town I feel a little overwhelmed. Okay, I feel a lot overwhelmed. I also feel a little guilty even posting on this blog what I do. I feel that it is tooting my own horn and I don't want to do that. Honestly, if it weren't for God and His love then I would do none of these things, understand that. I am selfish with my time by nature.

What frustrates me is I see so many of our churches not doing much in the way of reaching out to our community. Like Shaun has pointed out...I need to start with ME. I need to look at my life and see what I am doing and if God is calling me to do more.

This isn't an easy challenge....I am going to need to think about this.

Shaun Groves Blog

2009-05-14T07:41:00.000-04:00

Check out his blog at www.shaungroves.com/shlog. Read the blog titled 'Our Witness'.

Wow, wow and wow! This church in India has IT. They are doing what God has called the church to do. So often we here in America go to church on Sunday, Wednesday night prayer service and that is all. Is that what God has called our life to look like? Seriously? If you have not read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan well, you should. One of the things he says in the book is about this movie called life. It isn't about me, it isn't about you or your friend. This movie is ALL about GOD. The whole thing...

My husband and I have been talking about and having some serious thoughts and conversations about 'the building' (which is what most of you would refer to as 'church'). What is the purpose? What has God called us to be, to do and to look like? When Jesus talked about the CHURCH he was not talking about a building. He was talking about us, the body of believers as a whole.

Anyway....read the blog. Read the book Crazy Love and most of all, read THE BOOK.

Faith Like Potatoes

2009-05-03T17:41:00.000-04:00

Last night Darrin and I watched the movie 'Faith Like Potatoes'. If you have not seen it I would encourage you to go to your local video store and check it out. It is based on a true story and I won't give it all away but the movie was a wonderful testimony about faith in our Father, God. In the special features there was a documentary about Angus Buchan, the man the movie was based about and you need to watch it also. I think I liked the documentary better than the movie. This is a man with a strong faith in God who lives it out daily and has seen the miracles as proof of his faith.

Watch it!! :)

My Brother

2009-05-01T14:01:00.001-04:00

I would like to ask you, who are reading....if any are reading. :) Would you please pray for my brother Josh? He is in a pretty bad mental state...
Thanks!

Wow...

2009-05-01T09:10:00.000-04:00

Wow....just wow!

Right now I am so envious and humbled and heartbroken. I have been keeping up with a trip that several people, (who I have never met) have went on to India. The main blog is http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/. Please go there and read and follow the links to read the blogs of all the women and men who are over there.

Right now, my husband and I sponsor a little boy named Denis in Guatemala. Denis is four years old. After reading these blogs I am anxiously looking foward to sponsoring a child in India. The pictures that have been taken are amazing! These children and the adults just remind me once again how big that our God is.

From my trips to Thailand I have fell in love with the people of Asian culture, through these series of blogs I have fallen in love with the people of the Indian culture. I am very excited to know that one day when we are in Heaven we will be united with people of all nations, worshipping our God together. If you read my older blog entries from Thailand you will see that one of my favorite parts of worshipping in Thailand was when we would all get together and sing praises and pray to our Father in our own language. What an amazing sound to hear so many different languages speaking to our Father, at once!! Just think about that....how often do we hear the TV, the radio, someone talking, the dryer etc all at once and I will just be honest sometimes it makes me want to pull my hair out!! I can't take it all at once. Does this remind you of just how big our God is?? He and only He is able to hear all of us at once! All different languages and not only that - He CARES!

I would love to go to Guatemala one day and get to meet little Denis. Right now he isn't able to write me himself but he draws me pictures and we communicate through his mother. I am very excited to be able to get to know him and his family through the coming years. I plan to meet Denis and his family one day and what a privelege that would be for me.

In Christ...

Some pics

2008-10-11T20:22:00.000-04:00

At the pier.

The band at the prayer/worship service.

This is Bill and Sybel in the warehouse. This is where we work to put the packets together that we pass out.

This is the pastor that we did the slum ministry with.

This little boy ran and jumped in Darrin's arms as soon as we got out of the car. This was the 2nd slum that we went too.

This is the 1st slum we went too...their laundry.

This is where they get their drinking water as well as their water to wash themselves and their clothes with. There are fish swimming in the bottom of this well.

These are the homes of the people in the slums.

Homes again...notice the roofs.

This is the ladies distributing the food that we took into the slums.

Angel and a little boy that lives in the slums.

This is the orphanage we went too where the kids sung us songs and we had to sing back to them.

Not a very clear picture but you can see the couple are praying and offering food to their god.

This is all of us at the pier. Not a very clear picture.

Wes

Anna

A poor blow fish that got out of the water somehow. The men put him back in the water but unfortunately it was too late...he was belly up for the rest of the night. :(

Angel's scooter. I really want one of these!!

Darrin at the 1st orphanage we went too.

The kids at the orphanage.

This is a major road, probably as big as Alcoa Highway and as busy with NO lines! Now, if you have been to Thailand you realize how the driving is there. If not, let me tell you...lines are just a suggestion. People are all over the place all the time and the scooters are everywhere!

This is some fruit that we got from a street vendor. Tasted kind of like grapes but not as sweet.

The fruit before it is opened.

Our bathroom. The drain on the left is for the shower - it overflows. Also the squirty thing....which is used instead of TP.

Our bed in the hotel. Very pretty, huh? Yes...but also VERY hard. Seriously, I have bruised hips. :)

Home

2008-10-09T20:16:00.000-04:00

We are home! After about 27 hours of flying and layovers we arrived at the airport today around 2:20pm. I didn't sleep any on the long flight so needless to say Darrin and I are both worn out. In the 27 hours from the time we left to the time we arrive I slept about 4 hours total.

One story... on the way to the airport our driver was probably in his 50's. He said to Darrin and I "we all want to go America but we have no money". I was very sad and felt very blessed at the same time. Outsiders want to come to America so bad but they don't have the money and here I am on this trip. How blessed that Darrin and I are. What a wonderful opportunity we had to go to their country once again.

It is now 8:19pm we just woke up to eat something and then back to bed.

Can't wait to see you guys!

Love in Christ.

Wednesday

2008-10-08T03:20:00.000-04:00

Today we went to the a ministry stie for worship and prayer time. There was a band of four guys...probably in their early twenties. One of them also had a short sermon. You could just tell from these guys music, sermon and prayers that they really love God. It was such a blessing to be there. This ministry site is one that goes out into the bars and witnesses to the bar girls. They bring them into a 3 month program to teach them trades so they can make money and get out of the bars but most importantly they teach them about Jesus. They have moved into a new facility and just today were able to purchase the building instead of renting it. It cost over 1 million US dollars and they were able to raise the money in 7 months!! Isn't God amazing?? The facility they are now in has a bakery, a salon and a place where the women make cards, journals and other crafts to make money.

The worship once again was amazing. So touching and so wonderful. We sang songs that we sing in the states however, there were people from all nationalities singing and praying in their own languages. This was my favorite thing from two years ago and I loved it just as much this time. After the service we were able to go out and purchase a few things from the ladies and they were so grateful.

We leave the hotel tonight at 9pm, it is 2:26pm right now -- about 3:30am your time. Our flight leaves Thursday morning at 1:30am and we will arrive home at 2:00pm. Short flight, huh? Ha!! I wish!!! Due to the time change it is just as long as the flight over here was. I know from last trip the jet lag really hits once we get home. I am sure that we will go home and immediately crash. When we get there it will be 1am our time here. So....

I am glad to be going home but I am very sad also. The team here is wonderful as always. It is wonderful to meet new friends and sad to leave them. Two of the guys that are here are long term volunteers. They are here on their own time and money. They are both young men relying on God to provide all their needs - literally. They get support from friends, family and churches. Please pray for them as they carry out God's desires for their lives. I am sure it takes a lot of faith to step out like that. One of them was telling us that he left a very good job in Texas - offered a lot of money but knew God was calling him here. He sold everything he had and came. The other is getting ready to get married in just a month or so. Remember him and his wife to be in your prayers also. Once they marry they are planning to go back out into the mission fied - wherever God leads.

One of the ladies that is here needs prayer also. Her family is in another country and her parents are sick. None of her family except her is a Christian. When she was growing up, in her country, she never heard about Jesus...ever. She was an adult teaching her language in another country and one of her students invited her to church.

In fact, just pray for the whole team that is here full time. That and all the ministries that are here in Thailand. Like I was sharing previously this is such a spiritually dark country. In November the 5th - 8th they have something called Pattaya Praise. A lot of different Christian artists gather into different parts of Pattaya and praise God. Pray that changes will happen through that. Pray that revival will break out here in Pattaya.

Can't wait to see you all and share more stories...Unfortunately on a blog I can't share names, exact places, etc due the the privacy and safety of the teams in place here but I can't wait to share more in person and show pictures!! I didn't take as many this trip as I did last time but each picture has a story and means something wonderful!

Thanks so much for reading and your prayers for Darrin and I while we have been here. It has been truly wonderful and such an awesome trip. We are so blessed to have been able to come back once again!

See you soon!!

Love in Christ,

Tuesday

2008-10-07T09:06:00.000-04:00

Last night we distrubuted with a couple that has been here for a week or so. They have two children ages 8 and 3. The mother was saying that she asked her 8 year old daughter what she wanted to do on her last day in Thailand and she said "I want to give Bibles out".
At the end of the night, Wes asked who wanted to pray and the 3 year old little boy said that he did. His prayer was "God, please, please please let them read your Bible. Please please please let us here you and not the devil. Amen" Wow... if we all had the hearts for others that these kids do...

Today we went to the slums. The slums are the poorest villages in Thailand. We only went to two of them but there are many more. This morning we first met the local pastor who does this ministry at the grocery store. We shopped for rice and other items that the Thai people use. Pastor S. and his son do this ministry on a regular basis.

On the way to the slums we stopped by another orphanage. The children there sang us songs then in turn expected us to sing for them. I am not sure what they were expecting but I bet we didn't give them exactly that. :) For those who have had the wonderful privilege of hearing Darrin and I sing well, you know that we can't. :) It was Darrin and I and another couple Bill and Syble.

At the first slum we went to we got to go into their village and see where they live. There were children and animals running around. Their homes are basically just blankets and sheets hung up and some sort of roof over. At midnight they walk 2-3 hours to the ocean to fish. They catch the fish to sell to vendors. They get 20 baht for 3 fish. 20 baht is not even $1.00 US dolllar. They do this from midnight till morning. They then bring the fish in and clean them through the afternoon. They lay the fish out to dry and then sell them. They get their water from a well there in their village, they wash their clothes with the same water in tubs. The water is not clean and I imagine not very sanitary. They have no sewer or septic system. The people were so grateful that they were there. They just kept saying "thank you, thank you".

The second slum we went to there were more children in this one. We weren't able to go into their village but they came to us. We were on a dirty concrete slab with a roof and some ceiling fans. The children were running around and playing with each other. The smaller ones were crawling on the floor and some weren't even able to walk yet b/c they were so young. I seen several of them who didn't even have diapers on. They were crawling around in their t-shirt and nothing else. Again, these people were so grateful that we were there.

This experience was very humbling and very rewarding. Our poor and homeless people in America have so much more than these people. Here in Thailand there is no government assistance. When I hear someone complain about what they don't have I just have to shake my head...these people literally have nothing. We just need to remember what we do have.

Please remember to pray for Pastor S and his son who do this ministry. These people need this in such a bad way. What a wonderful way for people to show Gods love to these people that so many would find disgusting or not worth the time or money. When I seen their sweet faces and their grateful hearts they are beautiful.

Thailand is such a beautiful place...but such a spiritually dry place. This morning while Darrin and I were waiting on our ride I sat here in the lobby and watched a very young couple, probably in their 20's go out and burn incense, leave flowers and fruit at this shrine they have for their god. It was very sad. Thailand is in such a spiritual battle. I wish that at the end of the day they would see that their fruits and drinks are still sitting there untouched. Their god isn't real and we know the living God. The God who can give them life. When you pray please pray for Thailand. Like I said it is a beautiful place but they need God here. I often hear people say that missionaries need to stay in America, people there need God just as much. This is true -- however, at home I see a church on every corner. You can't drive for 2 miles with out seeing a church. Why aren't all our churches going out and helping in their own neighborhood? Here in Thailand there is like only 2% Christian. If Christians from somewhere don't come to help and show God's love to these millions, who will? Anyway...

We leave tomorrow. I am excited to go home but I have loved my time here. This time was a more blessed time I do believe. I am sad to leave. I wish that Darrin and I could spend more time here, more time in the culture, more time with the Thai people.

Please remember to pray for Thailand.

Monday

2008-10-05T22:01:00.001-04:00

Yesterday we went to a church service here in Thailand. The church met in a small room. We sat in those white plastic chairs that you see on porches and in yards in the states. Every chair was full, there were people standing in the back. The service was in Thai but there was a lady that was translating into English. I understood most of it. :) The church sang 4-5 worship songs before the service. Very, very moving. When they pray...they pray all together out loud. It was a wonderful sound. There was an air conditioner but it didn't work very well. There were two fans on the wall that were blowing that made it feel better but it wasn't very cool. As I sat there in the service I couldn't help but to wonder how we in the states would react if our church was like this. How would we feel to stand through the whole service? How would we react to being hot through the entire service? These people were there to worship and to learn God's word. There was a man playing guitar, a lady on keyboard and a couple others singing. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant by our standards. Although, I know that when God heard their worship He was pleased. I just can't help but think this is true worship. When we put all our worldly comforts aside and focus on God...

This morning Darrin did lobby ministry with a man named Mark that is here. There were 23 tourists scheduled to leave. While down here they gave out 30 packets and Bibles. Most everyone took one. One lady took 7. There was an older man who told Mark (who speaks Chinese) that he has been looking for somewhere to buy a Bible but hasn't been able to find one. Darrin said it was a wonderful experience, very touching.

Today we will go to the warehouse were they assemble the packets that we hand out to the tourists. We will work there for 4-5 hours and then back to the pier tonight.

I have came down with a cold...so if you are reading this pray for healing. :) I finally this morning found some cough drops and some tylenol at 7-11. I have been looking for something for days but due to everything being in Thai I had no luck reading the label.

I will try to post more tomorrow.

Be blessed.

Saturday

2008-10-04T09:20:00.000-04:00

Today was a fun day. This morning we went to the orphanage and spent 3 hours there with the children. There were about 24 kids ages from toddlers to about 9-10 years old. They were so much fun to play with and just be around. We sang songs with them, played games. Several of the kids just wanted to be held. It was a very rewarding experience. We went with another team that is here from Virginia. The older boys played soccer outside for a while.

This evening we done another distribution. Tourisn here is kind of slow so it wasn't very busy and we are already in at 8:24 which is very early for this distribution. Hopefully it will be a little busier the other nights that we go.

Tomorrow we will be going to a church service. The church is the church for the team that lives here. Then we will have the rest of the afternoon free. I am not sure what we will do...shopping. :) Today, we took a nap.

Not sure about the naps though...we took a little one yesterday and were up at 2am, then again at 4am. When we woke at 2am I said to Darrin "well, this must be the jet lag". I am feeling pretty good right now, not very sleepy. We had dinner at the pier this evening. We had some fruit and some other meat things on a stick. :)

Thanks for the prayers that we know you are lifting up on our behalf!

ps. The team we were with today are leaving tomorrow. Please pray for their safety home.

Love in Christ,

We are here...

2008-10-02T22:32:00.000-04:00

We arrived here in Pattaya around 3am last night. It is now 9:33am, we just had breakfast and have a meeting with the team we are partnering with at 10:30am. We got a few hours sleep last night but feel pretty good this morning.

Yesterday was a tiring day. I said quite a few little short prayers to God yesterday about everything it seems. From getting through immigration and customs on time, finding our ride, and getting our luggage. I wasn't too confident after our little issue at the airport in Knoxville but I know that God is in control and we may have not known what was going on but He did.

Tomorrow is a full day. We go to the orphanage so I am very excited about that. Today we just meet with the team then have distribution this evening at a local restaurant where the tourists frequent.

I will hopefully have more stories to tell tomorrow!

Be blessed...

2008-10-02T05:09:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note to say that Darrin and I are in Korea. After a mix up this morning at the airport with our tickets we got another flight on a different airline. We have a several hour layover here and then our flight to Bangkok, the last one! For which we are very thankful!! I tried to log on and send a quick note from Atlanta and had trouble with that computer. This one will be quick because I keep hitting something on this keyboard that changes my keys to Korean characters. So... keep praying. We are tired but looking very foward to arriving in Thailand and getting a few hours rest before we start.

Love in Christ,

2008-10-01T04:11:00.000-04:00

Today is the day! It is now 4:15am and we are getting ready to leave. We are going to drive to Maryville to Darrin's moms and she is going to take us to the airport. Our flight leaves Knoxville at 7:05.

Please pray for both Darrin and I. We have both been feeling a little of a cold coming on. I started taking medicine yesterday. Please pray we stay completely healthy at least until we get back home. :)

Be blessed!
Love in Christ,

Two days away...

2008-09-29T15:38:00.000-04:00

Well, here we are 2 days away from departure. I have had several co-workers ask me today "are you packed" to which I respond "no". I know, I know... it is 2 days away but I just haven't started. I will be off work tomorrow so I should be able to get that and more finished. I have a few errands to run then hopefully will be able to get that finished.

Our neighbor, Cheryl, will be over in the morning to find out where the food is, etc to take care of Max and George while we are gone.

Not too much to add today...just getting everything ready and prepared.

By the way - off the topic of Thailand for a moment. Today is mine and Darrin's 10 year anniversary! Hard to believe it has been 10 years but I have to say that I am very blessed to have such a wonderful, Godly husband!

Love in Christ!

Less than 1 week away...

2008-09-25T07:56:00.001-04:00

As it gets closer to departure I grow more and more excited. Darrin is also but he contains his much more than me. I asked him the other day, after I was going on about the great things we get to do "aren't you excited?" to which his reply is "always".

I have to be honest, I am NOT looking foward to that long plane trip! I think the longest flight is something like 13 hours! I am thinking more about the things that we get to do while we are there - just kind of skipping the whole flight. :-) Hopefully we will be next to someone that we can start up a conversation with about what we are doing and WHY.

Yesterday and today most of my excitement is about the orphanage. I have went online, checked out their website watched some videos on You Tube and I just can't wait! I am hoping to go to the store to pick up some candy, stickers, balloons for the kids. According to one of our contacts there he says the kids love to play soccer and be pulled in wagons. So, maybe throw up an extra prayer for Darrin and I - not so sure how we are going to be at playing soccer. ;-)

Everything is ready to go. Not packed but ready!

Be blessed!!

Thailand Dates 2008

2008-09-23T09:44:00.000-04:00

We will leave for Thailand 10/1/08 around 5am.
We will return late Thursday 10/9/08.

Excitement!!

2008-09-23T08:44:00.000-04:00

Okay, my last blog I wasn't VERY excited. Today however, I am feeling much more excitement! Darrin and I received our schedule and we are going to be doing several things that we weren't able too 2 years ago.

One of the new things is a Slum Ministry with one of the local pastors. We go into the poorest parts of Thailand (called the slums) and we will distribute food and give a testimony, gospel presentation and if left up to Darrin a skit. :) So, this will be a very humbling and wonderful work I am sure.

The next thing is called the Mercy Center http://mercypattaya.com/. This is a link to a video that I found on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETwGV56cHHo. So, check it out if you want. This looks like it shows clips from not only Mercy Center but the slums ministry.

Also, again we will be traveling to a local ministry for a praise and worship service. Two years ago this was one of my favorite things about our Thailand trip. The praise and worship songs that we sang there were the songs that we would hear on Love89 or something like that. However, the amazing thing was hearing each person sing the song in their own language and praying in their own tongue. What an awesome picture and sound! I can't wait to see and hear these same things in Heaven. I can only imagine that it will be a thousand times greater though!

Right now, I am just so grateful that Darrin and I have this opportunity and I am just so amazed by how great our God really is. Like my friend says; I don't know why I am amazed when God does these things. He IS God and can. But, I am amazed and I never want to stop being amazed by Him!

Well till next time. Be blessed!

Less than 2 weeks from departure

2008-09-19T09:18:00.000-04:00

As time gets closer I get a little more nervous and more excited. I can't wait to see what God is going to do this year in Thailand! We are going to be able to be involved in more ministries. We are going to be able to reach out to some of the Thai people in addition to what we normally do. This will be very exciting and I am sure very humbling!

Time has gone by so fast! October has arrived much more quickly that I would have imagined!

There are still quite a few things that Darrin and I need to do before we leave. We still have to buy more supplies, such as an electric outlet convertor (is that what it is called?).

I actually started packing a little last night. Well, nothing is actually IN the suitcase but I do have things sitting beside it! I put our passports and immunization records on top of the suitcase. It would be awful to arrive in Japan and to realize that I forgot our passports. Not sure what we would do at that point. Ever seen the movie 'The Terminal' with Tom Hanks? I guess that would be Darrin and I in Japan.

Our flight this year will be taking us first to Chicago - then to Japan. I would really love if we were able to get out in Japan and tour a little, maybe another time. On our trip home we come back through Texas.

Well, keep watching and reading. I will update and post more from Thailand when I am able. Hopefully I will have amazing, miracles to tell about that God has done while there!

Love in Christ!